Sort of Deadly

11 - Slinging Through The Days

As a Christmas present Aar got a Paracord Rock Sling. Hardly a wise decision on Santa's part. He'd been trying to learn how to use it since, and let me tell you, these kinds of slings can be dangerous weapons. He broke a ramekin and a window of the new neighbor's house practicing with tiny, rubber 'crazy' balls. You know, the kind that bounce a lot.

Now imagine if instead of those balls, it were metal darts.

Of course the new neighbors didn't say anything because they're such nice people. And because Miss Niffy herself has an active involvement in Aar's misadventures.

Then one day Aar accidentally decapitated a ceramic figurine of a nymph which had been sitting for a long, long time in the good ole goth mansion. I thought that'd show him; Mr. Om was going to whoop his -

But turns out, Mr. Om is quite the Slinger himself. He snatched the Paracord from Aar, fixed a crazy ball on the hitch, and launched it with remarkable expertise - now that he has both arms, he does a lot of things with agility - separating the poor headless nymph from her lower abdomen as well. Her torso flew across the patio and hit me in the head.

Fate.

What else have you been hiding, Mr. Om? First you turn out to be a guy who's mingled with Dark Arts and whatnot. Then you surprise me by fanboying over movies, then with your weaponry skills. Are you secretly a gremlin, too?

(Later I found out that Mr. Om wasn't actually a good slinger. Mar's Dad was. But since he - and his Mum - lived on, in a way, inside Mr. Om, some of their abilities were transferred as well, to Mr. Om, who acts kind of like a conduit. Complicated stuff, and irrelevant.)

Aar was more focused on slinging and learning sign-language with Niffy than he was on his grades. When I jabbed him about it, he became the Incredible Hulk (yes, Mar made me read those, too; I liked the part where Banner messes around in his laboratory with Gamma radiation), stamped his feet like the tsundere he is, and roared 'Hulk Angry! Hulk Mad At Smarty-Pants Girl!'

So. Yes.

[Clears throat.]

Marra and Es got a mike, a xylophone, and a speaker. I am going to leave the rest up to your imagination, although I will say that Niffy seemed to enjoy their duo (obviously). Moving on . . .

You want to know what I got?

Not to boast or anything, but think the greatest present ever, and then cross it with the second greatest present ever . . . I got Toby!

At least I named him Toby. He came in handy when I moved to {Undis-2-closed}. He's an awesome friend.

He also happens to be a plant.

You see, Momma is a botanist (which is part of the reason I love botany, 'cause it's in my DNA; not really, that's not how heredity works, kids, follow your heart). And every year, she gifts me a new plant and asks me to take care of it.

Cool, right?

(Sense the sarcasm in that, Aar?)

Toby is a Dracaena Reflexa, and he belongs to the family Asparagaceae.

I mostly hid my amulet in his soil. 'Shh, don't tell anyone,' I told him. 'Snitches get stiches.'

You don't care, do you? You just want to know about the moving.

Alright, so be it.

Let's just flash forward.

New Year's: I got an A for my presentation on Ethnography, Arbo got a D for his, tried to strangle me to death, Marra scared the numpty halfwit with a jack-in-the-box, recorded the whole thing, told him not to give me anymore trouble or he'd leak the footage of him trying to climb over a wall to save himself from a plastic pop-out clown-head, Aar sling-ed around, learned sign language, Niffy was always on his shoulder.

April's Fool: Mr. Om faked a myocardial infraction, Marra almost got a real one, Momma was busy with her job, Aar sling-ed around, learned sign language, Niffy was always on his shoulder.

Mother's Day: Made a card for Momma, she looked at it, smiled, went to bed because she hadn't slept in two days, Aar sling-ed around, learned sign language, Niffy was always on his shoulder.

Father's Day: Made a card for Pops, he looked at it, smiled, gave me a hug, said 'Love ya, dots,' Momma was busy with work, Aar sling-ed around, learned sign language, Niffy was always on his shoulder.

World Science Day: Mr. Om's business boomed, Momma was busier than ever, Es held a singing competition, she was both a participant and judge, sang a parody of her parody of her original song 'Clouds Go Scat, Earth Is Flat', won (duh), Marra awarded her a trophy made of M&Ms and crackers, Aar sling-ed around, learned sign language, Niffy was always on his shoulder.

Wor - but you see the pattern, right?

So it was closer to next Christmas - and our "quest" in Lakoswanion was seeming more like a dream than actual dreams do (the 'mares were on vacation, but I had unsolicited flashbacks whenever I ate a banana) - that a bomb more explosive than the rotten-heart shaped stones fulminated my life.

Here's a small story for you.

There once was a man named Pops. He had a daughter named Dots. He said to his daughter, 'Dots, dots, your Momma is being promoted.' Dots said, 'Yay, hurray,' but then Pops said 'We're moving.'

And so they did.

The end.

Sorry, I couldn't handle writing that in first person.

But yes. We were going to have to leave our small town and move to the city. To {Undis-2-closed}.