The Plus Side of Negative Thinking

Tensor 4

Jeisson sat, wringing his hands, at the kitchen table. He was anxious. But he didn't really have a reason to be. He was only meeting his math tutor. Which, on its own, was nothing to be anxious about. But he knew how much this meant to his parents. How much they had talked about what they should do with him. How many conversations he had listened in on through the bathroom vent. 

Bruce wanted him to learn more, to do more with his potential. June just wanted him to find some joy in something. And she wanted him to make friends, but Jeisson wasn't sure how tutoring was going to help with that. Jeisson just wanted to give them what they wanted.

Jeisson twitched when the doorbell rang. A few seconds later he heard it open, and his mother's voice greeting someone. 

"Welcome! Thank you so much for coming."

"Of course," said another woman's voice. "I'm excited to get started."

"He's in the kitchen. He likes to do his homework there. There's sunlight. And food, of course." June gave a light laugh, and the woman joined in. 

A moment later, they entered the kitchen. Jeisson abruptly stopped wringing his hands, and sat very still. The tutor smiled upon seeing him. She was beautiful. Jeisson had never really thought that of anyone before, yet he knew it when he saw her. She had long, thick hair, bright blue eyes, and dimples. She ran a hand through her hair, pulling it to the side, and it cascaded back down her shoulder, like water. 

"Hi, Jeisson," she said with a wave. "I'm Nicole."

Jeisson waved back. 

"Help yourself to anything you want," June said. "Jeisson can tell you where everything is if you need it. Is there anything else you need from me?"

"Nope, I'm all set."

June gave a wave and left, and Jeisson's muscles tensed even more. Now he was alone with her. He had never really been nervous with anyone before. The other kids at school mostly left him alone. And he left them alone. There was no reason to be nervous with them. They didn't intimidate him in any way. He didn't care what they thought. But he found himself suddenly caring very much what Nicole thought of him.

"So, how are you today?" Nicole took a seat next to him, setting her bag on the table. "How was school?"

Jeisson shrugged. "Okay, I guess," he managed to squeak out, which only made Nicole smile more.

"So I hear you're good at math?"

Jeisson shrugged again.

"I'm getting my master's in math. I love it."

"Really?" Most of the kids at school seemed to either despise math, or not care about it at all.

"Yeah. It's like, no matter what's going on around you, all the stuff you don't understand, how crazy life can get, math always makes sense. It follows rules, there's a right and wrong. It's organized and efficient. Isn't that kind of cool? I guess I sound pretty lame."

No. She didn't sound lame at all. "I think that makes sense."

"Do you get bored at school sometimes?"

Jeisson let out an uncontrolled laugh, then quieted, embarrassed. "You could say that."

"Do you think this tutoring is going to be boring?"

He had thought that, in fact. It seemed to show on his face, because she gave him a wink and said, "Don't worry, everyone thinks that. But I am determined to make it interesting. If you're up for it."

"I'm up for it," Jeisson said, surprised by the excitement in his voice. 

"Great. We should probably get some snacks though, first. Math requires fuel."

Jeisson followed her into the kitchen, and offered, "There's these really good cheese puffs hiding behind the rice container in the pantry. If you'd like." 

"Why are they hiding?" Nicole slid open the door and started rummaging.

"Because my dad doesn't want anyone else to know he eats them. And he doesn't want me to eat them all."

Nicole found the cheese puffs and dragged them out from behind mountains of other snacks and food. "Well. Seems like the only fitting punishment for that is eating them all." She shrugged, like there was no other option.

And though Jeisson was aware he really knew nothing about it, he could have sworn in that moment, he fell in love.