The Starling's Secret

1 - Façade

Chisa's POV

It's happening again...

I'm standing on the same grass, in the same spot. My hair tangles as the wind blows. My fearful, glassy green eyes stare helplessly into the steely grey eye of Joseph. That silver orb is full of satisfaction - satisfaction that he has achieved what he wanted. He smiles devilishly, making my skin crawl.

I can't get used to this...

My hand is stuck to his chest, and tears pour from my eyes as I try to rip it away. Every night I try, and every night I can't get free. My eyes are wide with terror, bloodcurdling screams leave my lips.

I'm waiting for the inevitable - I'm waiting for him to speak. Every night, he says something different; but his words only tie me closer to my fate...

He leans over to my ear, his cold breath makes goosebumps ripple over my scarred skin. Scars that he gave me. My screams turn into whimpers.

And he finally whispers those woeful words...

"You're mine now, Chisa..."

*****

I instantly wake up, shuddering uncontrollably from that same horrific nightmare. The same one that foreshadows my future. I've been having these nightmares since I last Flashed. Every night, without fail... my sleep is plagued by that Flash... my future. I'm curled up in the same foetal position I'm in every night, as though that can protect me from him.

'You don't need protection from me, dear Chisa.' His voice resounds in my mind, making me flinch on instinct.

I clamp my hand over my mouth to stop the screams from escaping. I only let myself cry, muffling my breathing so I don't wake anyone up, especially Chise.

Especially Chise.

It's been four months since I had the horrific Flash. And since then, my condition has been deteriorating. My wounds have healed, but my mind...

No.

Chise has asked me numerous times, worry evident in her features: What did you see? Please tell me, I only want to help. But each time, I lie. I can't do anything else - he won't let me. All I say, is Joseph. And each time, she relents and stops asking.

I don't know how long I can keep up with this charade - this facade, I'm putting on. This web of lies is fragile; one mistake would make everything unravel. I hate lying. Deceiving others is wrong. Yet, it's become a way of my new life. It's the only way I can protect those I love, those I cherish and hold dear. What else can I do, when I can't breathe a word to anyone.

I'm mentally and physically exhausted. Large bruise-like shadows are permanently smudged under my eyes. I'm skinny, probably just as much as I was when Chise found me. My eyes are always wide and fearful; I wince or shudder at any sudden noises. But I continue to smile, even though it's fake. However, I don't know how long I can keep smiling for, before I crack. I feel awful.

Chise knows... she can feel it through our bond. She is worried and scared for me - I can feel her emotions through our bond. I always tell her I'm fine, but she's knows better. She just doesn't say anything. I understand why; we've never argued, so I know she doesn't want to start now. But anyone would be able to tell that I'm hiding something, concealing something... a secret or something personal - it's both. I'm making it so obvious. A blind man on a galloping horse could see it, for goodness' sake!

I'm constantly on edge because of him - because of this Alchemist stuck inside my head. He continuously talks to me throughout the day - I can barely concentrate on anything but his voice. Sometimes I'm trying to have a conversation with Chise, and I just start staring into space. More lies sprout from my mouth when I just say I'm tired.