Is This Love?

Chapter 5 - Independence

Steve woke early the next morning. Following his comfortable daily routine, he showered and then headed down to the Common Room to catch up with his fellow Avengers over breakfast. 

Finding the room vacant when he arrived, he decided to make the most of it and make a whole feed of pancakes for the team. That was sure to lure them out of their bedrooms. 

Natasha's favorite. Was the random thought that floated in from his subconscious. But that WAS NOT the reason that he was doing this. At all... 

15 minutes later, the freshly cooked pancakes were sitting in a stack on the bench, drenched in maple syrup and berries. 

Just how Nat likes it. STOP IT! Steve screamed at his subconscious. 

Taking out two plates; one for him and one for Natasha, he decided to visit her, in the hope that seeing her well-rested and on the mend would significantly decrease the number of times that she had visited his mind in the past 24 hours. 

Less than thirty seconds later, he was standing in front of Natasha's room, pancakes in hand, and knocked. 

No answer. Natasha was ALWAYS awake by now. She was always the first to wake up in the tower altogether. Pressing his ear to the door, he listened hard. There were sounds of hitting and shouting coming from inside the room. 

Fear bubbled in his chest, every second becoming harder and harder to bear. 

"NATASHA!" He yelled, hoping to get her attention, but still no answer. Growing more and more desperate, Steve called out to FRIDAY, demanding to override the lock on Natasha's door. 

"Override denied." came the robotic voice.

"Dammit FRIDAY, Natasha is in trouble, let me in NOW!" No reply. Cursing under his breath, he prepared himself to knock the damn door down. Just as his body was about to collide with the door, FRIDAY finally unlocked the door. 

Wrenching the door open and almost succeeding in pulling the door handle clean off in the process, Steve burst into the room, gasping at the sight in front of him.

Natasha was over by the punching bag, headphones in, and punching the crap out of it, shouting incoherently with each punch. Steve took in the sight of her, sweat pouring down her face and neck, drenching her activewear. She hadn't wrapped her hands, and so the repeated punching had resulted in blood dripping down her knuckles, leaving patches of crimson on the punching bag with each blow. 

Steve had been so taken aback by the sight before him, that the events of last night had completely slipped his memory. Composing himself, the memories came flooding back in. She was injured. The bullet wounds. 

 Steve clumsily dumped the pancakes on top of her dresser and ran forward to stop Natasha's destructive workout. Rushing up behind her, he grabbed her arms and pulled them toward himself, effectively restraining her. 

He was thankful, however, for his super soldier serum as Natasha was surprisingly strong as she tried to wiggle out of his grip, Steve only just overpowering her. 

Once Steve had decided that Nat has stopped struggling enough, he loosened his grip slightly on her. 

She spun around immediately, glaring daggers at him. Damn, if looks could kill, Steve would be very dead. Shaking off the glare, Steve found his voice; 

"Natasha Romanoff, WHAT do you think you are doing? You are INJURED!" He shouted at her, only succeeding in making her glare fiercer. Lifting the corner of her top, she exposed one of her bullet wounds to him. Much to Steve's surprise, it was nearly completely healed, only a fresh scar in its place. 

"You're not the only one with serum-enhanced healing abilities Rogers" She spat back at him, venom dripping from her voice. Continuing with a cold tone, she added, "And how dare you! I am not going to let you barge into my room and start giving me orders! I can take care of myself." The fear in Steve's chest turned to pure rage with her words. 

"Can you Romanoff? Cause the way I see it, you were shot in 3 different places last night, and came crawling back to your room, too injured and exhausted to barely move. Then I come in this morning and you are punching that bag so much that you have made yourself bleed." Steve replied, roughly grabbing her hands and showing them to her to prove her point. 

"You didn't even wrap these, are you kidding me, Natasha!? Do you mean to tell me that you can take care of yourself? Seems to me you clearly can't!" Steve finished, glaring just as fiercely back at her. But it was when her expression went blank that Steve realized that he had gone way too far. 

He did not. Natasha snarled internally. She was so angry and shocked by his words, that she had gone completely blank. Silent and expressionless. 

Slowly regaining control of her emotions, she did the only thing she could think of to get away from him. 

"Get out of my room, NOW." Natasha snarled in the most dangerous voice she could muster. Her words left no room for argument. Steve's expression immediately switched from angry to scared and apologetic. But he was smart enough to turn and quickly avoid the definite punch to the jaw had he stayed a second longer. 

It was only once the door was firmly closed behind Steve that Natasha finally allowed her walls to come crashing down, allowing her emotions to take control of her. She fell onto the bed, sobbing. 

Why is it that everyone I care about, I manage to push away? It was never intentional on Natasha's behalf, but that didn't mean that it hurt any less. 

Am I that much of a handful? Was the leader of Raydh right? Am I such a monster? 

And Steve of all people, the one that Natasha trusted most out of any of the Avengers, including Clint, just made her feel like some worthless child that was too immature to take care of herself. Thinking back to their encounter a few moments ago, she felt fresh tears spring to her eyes, and she allowed them to fall. 

She was the Black Widow dammit. She had been captured and tortured by the Red Room from a young age and trained to be a world-renowned assassin. The amount of pain that she had endured, the permanent scars that marred her body and mind a constant reminder of her past. 

Forced to be independent since age 4, growing up without a real role model or motherly figure in her life since before she could remember. Steve has no idea how much of her past had hurt and broken her well beyond what most could even comprehend. The Red Room had taken everything from her, and she had to learn how to cope with and rebuild her very being to get to where she was today. 

How dare Steve question her independence and integrity! The very thought of it was enough to make her blood boil. Sure, she probably should've wrapped her hands before she began her workout, but the damage was minor and the exercise was something she needed to do to get her mind right again after yesterday's failed mission. Had she not worked out, nothing good would've come from her bottled-up emotions. 

Standing up, Natasha wiped away the last of her tears and walked to the bathroom to take care of her hands. One thing was for sure, her ability to take care of herself was the ONLY reason that she was still alive today, and she did not need Steve or anyone else for that matter to take care of her.