Is This Love?

Chapter 4 - What happened?

20 minutes later, Steve had cleaned and re-stitched all of her bullet wounds. Using a cloth to clean the other cuts and bruises on her body, Steve sighed. The entire time that he had been patching her up, she hadn't made a single sound, which was extremely concerning when he knew from personal experience just how much this treatment process stung. 

He was about to ask if she was doing okay when a violent shiver distracted him. It was at that point that it dawned on Steve just how soaked her clothes were, and looking up, he also spotted how blue her lips had become and the paleness of her face. 

"Nat, why don't you have a quick shower to clean the mud and grime off? It will make you feel better?" Steve carefully suggested, reaching out and helping her to stand and limp across to the bathroom, closing the door to give her some privacy. 

"What am I going to do?" Steve asked himself quietly. She'd barely said a word all night, she was hurt, and above all, mentally and emotionally shaken. What would forever haunt Steve though, was how exhausted and vulnerable she was in her current state, it was enough to make his heart ache horribly. 

Something happened on that mission. Something that had a huge effect on her. Natasha was known for being cagey and hard to read, but he had never seen her be this closed or distant. 

The turning off of the facet snapped him from his thoughts, and he quickly busied himself cleaning away the bloodied towels and supplies before she re-emerged. Just as Steve finished, an impossibly more drained Natasha emerged from the bathroom. She was only wearing an oversized t-shirt that looked like a dress on her, only making her appear smaller and more vulnerable. 

"Oh, Nat. Are you going to tell me what happened?" Steve asked gently, hoping to get some form of response. Something was wrong and Steve could tell she was trying her hardest to keep it from him.

Natasha on the other hand, was too exhausted to bother explaining to him what had happened. After the day she had had, she was surprised she could stand at all. She also didn't want Steve to know about the failure she felt she was. Showing weakness only got you killed, that's what the Red Room had taught her, and she was not about to lead the walls of steel that she had built come crashing down in an instant. Even if it is for Steve. So instead, she just shook her head in response. 

"Come here then sweetheart," Steve said, opening his muscular arms for her. She froze for a second, contemplating whether to comply, but eventually just gave in and fell ungracefully into his arms. It had been far too tempting, and she was immediately surprised at how safe she felt in his arms, a feeling that was so foreign to her. Suddenly, the whole world felt like it was heavier and she finally allowed herself to relax a little. 

Just for a moment. 

Steve's hands rubbed up and down her back soothingly. They stayed in that position for several minutes. Or hours. Natasha couldn't tell. Natasha knew Steve must have realized how wet her hair still was, she didn't have the energy to bother drying it herself, because he got up from the edge of her bed and guided her slowly over to her vanity, sitting her down once more. He then pulled out a blow drier and a comb from the draw, getting to work. 

Natasha was continuously surprised at how gentle and caring Steve was. He was even blow-drying her hair for goodness sake! Had she had more energy, she would've expressed her gratitude to him, however, she didn't, so she opted to sit there in silence as he worked his magic on her hair. 

If it weren't for the hair dryer making so much noise, she would've been asleep by now. 

Steve picked up on this fact too, as he quickly finished and tied her hair up into a loose bun. 

"All done Nat, I hope you feel better after some rest. I know you don't want to talk right now, but I am just next door if you need me, ok?" He then must have noticed her reluctance to stand up, because he also reached down and scooped her up, carrying her across to her king-sized bed bridal style.

He placed her gently on the bed and tucked her in. Briefly kissing her on the forehead, he whispered a quick goodbye. 

"I'll be back to check on you first thing tomorrow morning. Sweet dreams." 

He glanced back one final time and could tell that Natasha was already sound asleep, gosh, she was tired. He then softly closed the door behind him and took a deep breath. As he made his way back to his apartment, he bent down to pick up the washing that he'd dropped earlier. 

He tried, with no avail, to stop the crazy thoughts that were swirling around in his head. 

What if you hadn't seen her? What happened? Why was she so indignant about not needing any help? Why did she try so hard to hide her emotions? Why wouldn't she tell me what happened? What am I missing?

That night, as he lay in bed, he couldn't get the thought of Natasha out of his brain. How small and vulnerable she was. In all his years of knowing her, he had never seen her in such a state, ever. To say that it shook him to the very core would be an understatement. 

Sighing, he rolled over in the bed for the umpteenth time that night. Why could he stop thinking about her? Would he be so worried if it were someone else? 

Yeah, I would, he convinced himself. 

He cared for all of the team the same. Right?

I hope you are enjoying it so far! Let me know what you think in the comments!

Thanks!