After his mother's illness gets worse and she is no longer able to take care of him and his brothers, Kevin steps up to take care of everything and ends up becoming . . .
the woman of the house.
I looked across the table at Timmy, trying to find an answer in his face.
At the same time, Johnny reached back in the box and pulled out one of a pair of sandals with bold, pink, tule flower blossoms on the top of each one.
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Just as quickly as Johnny had picked the sandal up he dropped it back into the box and tears began to trickle down his cheeks. He hurried around the table and buried his tear soaked face, in my bosom.
"What's going on, Timmy." I demanded.
"I-I thought I had done the right thing."
"By buying him these things? Why did you?"
"Well, when I got off work, I headed to town to get him a present. I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to get when I got there, but I knew I had to get something. I parked in front of the bank and crossed the street. That's when I saw old man Johnson."
Johnny looked up at me. He didn't say anything but I knew he was thinking about my promise to him that Mr. Johnson wouldn't say anything.
Timmy continued, "He started telling me how he saw the two of you today and how pretty you both were. At first, I didn't understand what he was talking about. Who, other than you could he be referring to as pretty, Kerin? Then I remembered Johnny was home with you today, so it had to be him. My guess was confirmed when he asked me how long Johnny had been wearing dresses."
"What did you tell him," I anxiously inquired.
"Just that it was something new he wanted to do and we let him because today was his birthday."
"Wow, for not knowing, that's pretty good."
"Yeah. So, I was walking through the store, trying to decide what to get him when I saw the shoes. I figured, he might like them to wear around here. And the bows were an impulse buy. I saw them and didn't really think about it. I just figue he'd probably appreciate them."
"I don't want to be a girl," Johnny announced with frustration, his voice trembling. He turned to look at Timmy and added, "I just like pretending sometimes."
"Oh, I'm sorry. So you don't want this present? Do I need to take it all back?"
Johnny didn't answer. He just looked at me.
"Timmy, he wants to keep it. He just needs to know that you and Jessie and Jimmy will accept this side of him and allow him to dress up whenever he wants, without judgment."
"Well, I think my position is pretty clear or I wouldn't have bought what I did. Jimmy, Jessie, tell your brother you're okay with it as well."
I noticed Timmy didn't ask them what they thought about it, instead he told them what to say. It was his way of making it clear that he wouldn't tolorate it any other way.
"Yeah, bro, we're okay with it," they both told Johnny.
"Alright then, it's settled. Let's eat."
Forks started to fly as we all began to dig in.
There wasn't much conversation while we ate. In fact, there wasn't any talking, until Timmy finally broke the silence when he cleared his throat and asked a question directed at me.
"Do you remember the last time mom wore that dress?"
"I remember seeing her in it a couple times, but I don't remember what the last occasion was. I know she only wore it for something special and I think I only saw it on her maybe three times."
"It was mom and dad's twentieth anniversary," Timmy began to explain. "Only a month and a half before he was gone. Dad took Mama to that little diner over in Wenonah, then a drive-in movie just like they had done for their first date twenty-two years earlier."
"I do remember that. I also remember how happy Ma was when they returned. If you hadn't known any better you would have thought they had just returned from their first date. It was beautiful."
"And you're beautiful in it, just like Mama. In fact, you look just like she did in her old high school photos."
I smiled, took a bite of a rib, and began to think about how good it made me feel to know I looked like Ma.
All kinds of memories of Mama came flooding back. As I continued to eat, I contemplated how every memory was something else about her I admired, every thought something wonderful.
She was an amazing woman and I wanted to be just like her, as much as possible. Her's were big shoes to fill, but at that moment I knew it was my destiny and I wanted to emulate her as much as I possibly could.
At that moment I realized it was pointless to hold on to the possibility I would ever live another day of my life as a boy.
I pondered the gravity of that thought and came to terms with what it meant. It was then that I knew I was ready to completely shed all vestages of my male life and totally transform myself into the young woman I knew deep inside, I was destined to be.
Aimlessly pushing a bite of sweet potato around the plate with my fork, I called out my older brother's name while not looking up from my plate, "Tim."
"Yeah?"
I paused for a moment, took a deep breath and simi-confidentially continued, "Do you think maybe you, uh . . ."
Another pause.
I looked up at Tim, currently looking down at his own plate.
"You think you could maybe . . . invite your friend over for dinner one night this week?"
Timmy's head shot up and he peered at me with squinted eyes.
"Are you serious?"
I confidently looked him in the eyes and replied, "Yeah, I'm ready."
