Faking Us ✔️

thirty six

Cassie
~

I instantly became mute as I watched him walk out of the building, leaving me alone in the hallway. No words would come out. He just professed his love for me, and I wasn't able to say anything back. How could I? He didn't even give me a chance. Instead, I cried that entire evening.

Sydney overheard Luca and I in the hallway and offered to take me home. I was hesitant at first, but I didn't deny, I was ready to leave and spend the rest of my night alone.

"How was Prom, sweetie?" My dad said as I walked through the front door.

He is standing in the kitchen with my mom, eating supper, with treatment center papers covering the dining table.

"It was fine." I lie while tossing my phone on the couch, with myself following.

"Just fine?" my mom questions. "Did something happen between you and Luca?"

Everything happened between us.
Just everything.

"We're fine, mom, I'm just tired." I lied again.

I told my parents I loved them as I quickly ran up the stairs to get ready for bed. My dress is thrown onto the ground as I sink into the much-needed bath that is calling my name. My mind starts to race more about everything that happened this evening. I thought about Marcus being drunk off his ass and forcing himself onto me. The memory still disgusts me, especially the look in his eye when he assumed I slept with Luca.

Luca.

Tears started to build up as I remember the look on his face when he poured his heart out to me and all I did was crush him into pieces.

Tiny damn pieces.

That hurt the most. His face was the hardest thing to get out of my brain. The way he looked when he saw us—he looked helpless. Like the whole world came crashing down.

I was his whole world.

I went over our fight in the hallway and him telling me he loved me. I knew there were feelings between us, but love? He loves me? How can he love me? Why would he want to deal with the struggles that are surrounding my family? I can't have him carry around that baggage. He deserves more. I don't want him to settle for anything less. He thinks of me as this wonderful person, but how come I can't see what he sees.

All I see is a broken family trying to put the puzzle back together.

Then I start to think...
Well, what if he feels the same way?

Maybe he wonders 'how could she want someone like me who's an outcast...' 'how could she want someone who focuses on school and doesn't have time for anyone else' but, Luca has time for me.

I climb out of the tub, dry myself off, and quickly put on some clean clothes. As I walk to the sink to brush my teeth I slowly look up and see a version of myself I don't like to see.
Someone who is broken.

Confused and outraged.

My anxiety creeps in, clouding me with guilt. A few tears escape my eyes, running down my cheek and even the base of my neck. My lip quivers as Luca's face pops into my head one more time.

"Can't you see how much I fucking love you?"

His words repeat over and over again.
I open my mouth to tell my reflection what I'm afraid to admit.

"I'm scared to love anyone else. I can't lose anyone else."

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

I didn't study at all over the weekend and I'm starting to worry that our lessons weren't even worth it. If I fail, then I can't graduate.

Walking into the school without holding Luca's hand wasn't the best feeling. I felt lost and empty. I couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same this morning. Marcus tried calling me twenty times last night, apologizing for how he was acting, and saying he would hate to lose me forever. Even as a friend. I didn't call him back, but the twenty voicemails I listened to each one. He seemed genuinely sorry for everything. I sat down beside Luca who keeps his head in his book, probably going over Ecology and Evolution, until Mrs. Higgins shushes the classroom and starts passing out the final exams.

My face instantly becomes red, and my breathing quickens. I clench my hands to the desk and quickly fold them into my lap. "You'll be fine." Luca whispers before she announces to the class to begin.

Hearing his voice again brought butterflies to my stomach. I look at him and see him smiling at me, showing me his handsome face once more.

Relief is all I feel.
I'm finally able to breathe.

Two Months Later

I literally haven't spoken to Luca since that day in class. Almost eight weeks ago. We've passed each other in the halls. We've made eye contact. But, that's about it. Some days I talk to Anderson and check on his mom since she went to rehab and I'll ask about Luca.

Anderson says he asks about me too. He wants to know how I'm doing and how my grades are. I miss going to his house and spending time with his grandma. I miss him tutoring me. I miss the way he explains things and breaks things down so simply for me. I miss the way he would hold my hand for everyone to see. I miss the way he stood up for me. I miss him picking me up for school and going to parties together, even though Luca hated them.

I secretly hated them too.
Honestly, I just miss him.

"Honey?"

My mom knocks on my door softly before stepping inside. She is dressed in dark jeans and a nice baby pink blouse. Her hair is curled like mine and falls past her shoulders. She glances at me in awe. "Cassandra...."

I look at her through my mirror. "Please don't use my full name."

We laugh as she puts on my pearl necklace.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart."

My fingers touch the necklace as it rests on my skin. "Thank you Mom."

Her lips brush against my hair. "Your father and I will be downstairs. We have to leave in a few minutes."

When she closes the door behind her, I take a seat at my bed and strap on my white heels. They match perfectly with my light yellow dress and white trim.

Before I leave, I grab my maroon cap and gown that is hanging in my closet and walk downstairs. Dad nearly chokes on his water.

"Cassie, honey-

"I know Dad, I look beautiful."

He rolled his eyes. "You actually have something in your teeth."

I quickly run in my heels to the hallway mirror and scan my mouth. "There is nothing-

Dad laughs like he's a comedian before running out of the house. Mom looks at me and shakes her head. "Come on, honey. You have a big deal ahead of you."

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