Resurfacing

Chapter 19:

My mind went straight to the kiss in the fitting room where he was holding my dress to my body. It then flashed to him, pressing against me while my legs were wrapped around him. I could see his mind was in lost the same place as the corners of his mouth raised up into a dopey smile. He shifted in his chair before responding. His hand tightened around mine under the table.

"I did. She looked stunning." He blushed and took a bite from his mashed potatoes with his free hand. With a full mouth, all he could do was nod his head if he was asked more questions about what the dress looked like on me.

Anna smiled at us. She was pleased with herself. She placed her hand on JD's to gloat. I could see her patting herself on the back, celebrating her victory. It was so annoying.

"Riley always looks beautiful." My Dad said. "She gets that from her mother."

My Mom crinkled her nose when my Dad smiled at her. I rolled my eyes. This dinner was starting to resemble a sappy Hallmark movie.

We spent most of the dinner talking about the wedding. Anna dominated the whole conversation. Aiden and I gave each other more than one sideways glance at some of the ridiculous things she said. She was clearly too far gone to be saved.

She mentioned the bridal party dance and told us, "Since you are the best man and maid of honor, you will have to dance together. It is required."

The Queen had spoken.

Aiden let go of my hand about halfway through dinner and his fingertips ran over my thigh, rubbing small circles over the ripped fabric. He lingered over the bare skin underneath. I tensed when my first thought went to the tall, lean boy waiting for me back at my apartment. I gave Aiden a small smile, but he could sense it wasn't genuine. He narrowed his eyes at me in confusion and moved his hand away from me.

Aiden knew something was going on.

I was keeping secrets again from everyone in my life. Anytime Ezra was in my life, I lied to the people I cared about the most. It wasn't directly his fault, but it was easier to blame him than to accept the fact that I was not as good of a person as I should be. I was selfish when it came to Ezra. I always wanted him more than I wanted to do what was right.  He had a power over me that I never understood. 

We finished dinner and I volunteered to help my Mom clear the table. When we were in the kitchen by ourselves, she smiled at me as she started loading the dishes in the dishwasher.

"What?" I asked self-consciously.

"You look like you again."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked her, slightly puzzled.

"You look strong. Something is different."

My Mom's words knocked me back. I didn't feel strong. I felt confused and vulnerable.

"Thanks?" I said, not knowing if that was the right answer. How do you respond to a statement like that?

"Riley," She paused. "Don't be mad at me. I want to talk to you about something."

"What now, Mom?"  I asked, annoyed. Mom heart-to-heart conversations always made me automatically switch into defense mode.

"I think Aiden has feelings for you. Correction, I know he has feelings for you. I've seen him looking at you for years now. He has always noticed you without you noticing him."

"Mom," I began to whine and she held her finger up for me to pause.

"You two could be good together. Your Father and I would love to have him be the one you choose to spend your life with. He is solid, strong, and reliable. Aiden would never hurt you and would always treat you the way you should be treated. He is going to make a wonderful husband someday."

"Mom," I tried to say again. I felt like she just smacked me across the face.

"Not finished, Peanut." She interrupted again. "He will make a great husband for the girl who can love him back. Please give me another second and promise you won't flip out on me when I say this."

I nodded, giving my Mom my full attention now. I wasn't sure if I was prepared for this type of conversation, but I was interested in what she was going to say next.

"I have never admitted this out loud and probably never will again. When I think back to the days before the accident, I remember the way you looked at Ezra. I hate the guy for what he did to you, but you always looked at him like he was the only person in the room. Riley, you don't look at Aiden that way. If you can't find it in you to look at him the same way, then you need to let him go."

My mouth was hanging open. I couldn't form any words. I didn't know what I should say. What she told me is making perfect sense. I was keeping Aiden tethered to me because he made me feel safe and wanted.  I knew the minute Ezra stepped back into my life that nothing was going to ever replace the parts of me he filled.

I began to open my mouth to tell my Mom I had seen Ezra when Aiden walked into the room. He nudged me with his arm and I looked up at him with a strained smile. I glanced over at my Mom and she pulled her mouth back in a sympathetic frown.

Mom knew I was going to break Aiden's heart.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, indicating I had a message. I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I closed the door, I pulled out my phone immediately and read the message.

Brynn: Get home now.

Me: Everything ok?

Brynn: He's on the bathroom floor, screaming for you.

I slid my phone back in my pocket and rushed out the door. I ran down the stairs and grabbed my keys off the table in the hallway.

"Peanut, is something wrong?" My Mom came out of the kitchen when she heard the keys jingle. Aiden was right behind her, watching me from the doorway.

"I am getting a migraine. I thought I could shake it, but I have to get home before it gets any worse. I'm so sorry to be leaving so early. Dinner was delicious. I love you, Mom." 

"Do you want me to drive you home?" Aiden asked with concern.

"No, I can make it if I leave now. Thanks."

"Well, at least let me walk you to the car." He suggested.

"Fine," I darted for the door as fast as I could without stopping to say goodnight to anyone else.  I didn't even remember to hug my Mom before I left. Aiden was on my heels running after me as I darted to my car.

"Whoa. Hold up." Aiden spun me around and pressed his lips to mine as soon as I placed my hand on my car door.

I positioned my hands on his chest, wanting to push him back. My body reacted to the contact, but my Mom's words crept back into my head. I pulled away from him and looked back up. I did love Aiden, but it felt different than what I felt for Ezra.

I was using him.

He didn't even have a clue who I had been spending my time with when I wasn't with him. He didn't know me as well as he thought he did.

Aiden leaned back and looked down into my eyes.  His eyes narrowed as he studied my face.  He moved his hand to my cheek and leaned back in to brush his lips softly against mine.

"Are you sure you are going to be able to drive?" He asked sweetly.  "I really will take you home or we could go back to my place instead, if you want."

"I'll be fine, but I have to go home. Can we talk tomorrow?"

"I think we should. Call me when you are feeling better."  He said, trying to analyze the worried expression on my face.

I was going to tell him about Ezra tomorrow and hoped he could forgive me. Of all the people I would be hurting when the truth came out, Aiden was the one I would destroy. I silently said goodbye to him, knowing this was probably the end of our friendship.

Aiden needed to know the truth about Ezra.

But not tonight.