Ash and Eiji

Ch.2 Because Of Me?

My eyes opened but with difficulty. Thats new. I squinted as a strange sensation swept my vision leaving me desperate for full consciousness. I can assume that I fainted because- my eyes stung. Soon enough the hot liquid that contained all the words I couldn't say ran down my face as a way of shouting. I didn't make a sound just silent streams of tears to collapse the peaceful atmosphere. I willed myself to stop and before Ibe-san could see my flushed face I rushed to the bathroom to take a shower. As soon as the water streaming to the bathtubs floor filled the silent room I allowed myself to release the smallest of sounds. Why does it hurt so much. I didnt even get the chance to ask how. If- if I- was the cause... I would probably kill myself. I shuddered at the thought but knew it wouldn't matter that much if I really... did... I turned the shower off rather aggressively. I stepped out and put on a hoodie and some basketball shorts. I walk down the hallway to find Ibe-san cooking dinner with a worried expression. I smile softly as to let him relax and approach him like I would an old friend. I dont feel like smiling but if it'll help Ibe-san stop being so concerned then i'll fake it. "Hey." His eyes clamp shut and he looks about to cry. He slowly faces me and inches one eye open. As he gets a good look his features soften and he looks stunned. "H-i." I look at him with a small smile and wait for him to ask the question. "Are you ok?" He asks it almost exasperated like he was holding back. I give him a sad look and answer with a nod. Im not sure if i can really say 'yes, im fine' under the circumstances. "I do have one question." He gives a pained expression like he was expecting this but thought he had eluded it. He nods for me to continue. I almost choke on my words so I let a shaky breath out to soothe the built up pain that was starting to effect my speech. "How?" My bottom lip began to quiver as he avoided eye contact. "W-well he was reading y-your letter..." I bit my lip to hold back the wince that would've shown how I really felt. "He was running to the airport to see you off! But... on his way.. one of Sings members still held a grudge about Shorter and he... well st-stabbed him." I dont know how I was keeping quiet. Its all my fault. I lowered my head to allow the self loathing look I had been wanting to wear reveal itself. "He... Instead of getting help he went to the library and just went to sleep. I heard from the librarian that he was smiling and clutching your letters when he was found. He was in complete bliss for the first time in a long time. It was a... good....death." he could've whispered the last part. He had finally looked up at me since the conversation had began. I cant hold it back anymore. Soon enough my vision went blurry with tears. "Eiji!" I look up eyes wide from shock. My lips were parted but I couldn't speak. My ears weren't covered but at the same time Ibe-sans mouth was moving with no sounds escaping. I closed my eyes and counted to 10. 1....2.....3. Slowly my numb fingers began to tingle. 4...5...6. I hadnt realized how loud my heart beat was until it slowed down. 7...8...9. I heard Ibe-san pleading for me to answer him. 10... I open my eyes and see tufts of hair below my nose. Sniffles coming from the old man that was binding me in a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around him. He stopped and pulled away looking at my face. He paled and gave me a worried look. "Are you okay?" The words seemed to be far away. I looked at him with a blank expression and heard a loud thud. I realized I was now on the floor. Ibe-san lifted me up and placed me on my bed with a melancholy expression. I tried to give him a sign that I was conscious but I was unable. I didnt want to be alone. But I do? I decide to let go and sleep. dreaming of Ash. The way he whispered sweet nothings in my ear when I was hurt, and how he opened up and asked me to never leave him, and how he was so desperate to see...ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. Jeez I'm so selfish. All I can think about is myself. My feelings. My pain. My life. Well whats gonna happen to me? Who cares!? I'm a nobody. Even when I say that I'm being selfish. Because its still about ME. Its because of me.