Little Things

What He Doesn't Know Can't Hurt Him

a/n. TW; Kissing, kink negotiation, asphyxiation, brief but non-explicit mention of an erection, abusive relationship, self-degradation, mention of rape

"I don't want to let go," Crow murmured. "This is really nice." Jervis almost laughed out loud at that. He rubbed his hand over Crow's back in a way he hoped was calming and actually conveyed the right message.

After a bit, he spoke again. "Jervis?" he asked, face still buried in his new friend's shirt.

"What's up."

"I have come to realize something very important."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what is it?"

"Just, you have to promise," Crow started. He lifted his head to look Jervis in the eye and raised a finger to his lips, earning a raised eyebrow. "You have to promise not to tell anybody." When Jervis opened his mouth to say something, Crow shushed him loudly. "You can't tell anybody, ever," he clarified.

When he was satisfied with the silence, he went on.

"Jervis, I have never been hugged ever before in my entire life," Crow said, dramatically. "Jervis, you are literally my first hug."

Jervis Tetch took a moment to think.

"So, and I am absolutely taking a leap of faith here, I am guessing you've never kissed anybody before either?" In response, Crane shook his head.

"No, I wasn't allowed to make personal relationships. Jonathan has this thing about bodily autonomy or whatever the fuck."

"What the fuck, that's rough, so you never had hook-ups in uni or anything?" Crow shook his head again and awkwardly tried to find a more creative way to hug. First, he tried laying on the couch with his arms around his new friend's shoulders from behind, because that looked right in his head. But a few seconds into that he decided there wasn't enough contact, not nearly as much as he wanted.

He huffed and got back off the couch and put his hands on his hips, just looking at Jervis and calculating. More contact, but not so much that he's being rude.

Jervis watched amusedly through the first few positions, some of which were blatantly uncomfortable. Then, after suffering an elbow to the spine, he made his own proposition.

"Hey, why don't you just, uh," he waved Crow over. "Sit on my lap, but face me? Will that work?"

Crow narrowed his eyes in what he hoped would be taken as suspicion.

"Are you sure," he asked slowly.

"This is all you. We are exploring your boundaries, not mine. I am cool with you sitting on my lap." After explaining, Jervis couldn't help but think to himself how odd it was that he was helping somebody figure out how best to cuddle.

Satisfied with that answer, Crow testingly kneeled on either side of Jervis' legs and settled in. Jervis placed his hands on his lower back and carefully coaxed him closer. With Crow's chest against his own he gave a friendly smile. Crow rested his arms around Jervis' shoulders, and found himself almost overwhelmed.

Was it too much? Were they touching in too many places? Was this okay? Was it normal to enjoy this so much?

"Feeling better?" Jervis asked. Crow could smell the cheap whiskey on his breath.

"I think so," he answered. "Thank you. For helping me. For showing me, I guess." Jervis hummed in acknowledgement.

"Actually," Crow added, startling himself. "Can you do one more thing for me?"