salute [h.s]

things you said when you were scared

There were certain things that field agent training prepared you for and then there were things that could only be understood once you were knee deep in them. It turned out one of those things was how to deal with what the SIS called hopeless situations. She was in one of them right now and she could guarantee that no amount of training could have prepared her for this moment, stuffed into a closet in what was supposed to be a safe house while armed men pounded at the door to the flat, trying to break in. All because of the tiny flash drive she had tucked away in her bra.

She was trapped. She was alone in this god forsaken country. She had no way out.

It was the definition of hopeless situation.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she scrambled for it, her fingers fumbling to catch it as she nearly dropped it to the floor of the closet. She recognized the long string of numbers that wasn't technically a phone number flashing across the top and answered it hurriedly. "Harry?"

"Piper, you went off the grid. Where are you? What's happening?" His voice was stern but calm, in full-on spy mode, and it helped a little bit to stop the shaking in her hands. Somewhere out there, Harry was doing what he could to help and that was enough of a reassurance that she could collect herself enough to answer.

"They found me."

"Who?"

"Petrovich's men. They chased me back to the safe house. I locked the doors but they're breaking through and I - I'm in a closet and I have no where to go."

"I'm going to send a team to get you," Harry said insistently, cursing under his breath. She knew what he was thinking - that he wished he was here, that if he'd come along then he could have kept her safe. "Just stay calm until they get there. You're going to be fine."

"Harry, they -" There was a loud crash as the door to the flat gave way, slamming against the wall. She could hear the men yelling in Serbian, using words she didn't understand to try and draw her out. She whimpered, curling in on herself and taking up as little space as she could in the closet.

"Piper, what's happening?"

"They got in." She didn't realize she was crying until she heard the ragged sob that tore it's way from her throat. Once she started, she couldn't stop and she had to slap her palm over her mouth so that her loud wails didn't fill the room and draw the men to her immediately. Harry was calling her name over and over on the other end of the line, pleading for her to respond. "Harry," she said finally once she'd gained some semblance of control, "they're going to find me soon. And when they do -"

"No," Harry said firmly from the other end. "No, Piper. Don't you dare say it. You're going to be okay."

"I don't have much time." She gulped hard around the lump in her throat, hurriedly wiping the tears from her face with her free hand. She wasn't going to face down these gunmen like a little girl. She was going to be brave. "There's something I want you to know, okay?"

"Piper, stop. We're not doing this. You're going to be fine. The team is nearly there and when they get there, they'll neutralize the situation and -"

"Harry, just shut up for a second." Piper sniffled hard, taking a second to collect her thoughts. She could hear Harry's heavy breathing on the other end but he did as she asked and kept his mouth shut. "There's something I want to tell you before they find me and I -" she had to stop to breathe deeply because her voice had been on the verge of cracking and she could barely speak through the tears "- I want you to listen really carefully okay?"

It was quiet for the longest five seconds of Piper's life and then Harry sighed, a wobbly exhalation that broke her heart. "I'm listening."

"I love you."

Three words. Three words that they'd never actually said out loud to each other even though it was clear that they'd both been thinking them the whole time. She thought they'd be impossibly hard to get out but she was surprised by how easily they slipped forth and how strong they were when every other word she'd said had been shaky and unclear. Not those three. Those three came from a place of such strength within her, a place Harry had helped her build, that they rang clear and true.

Harry's huff of breath echoed in her ear. He sounded like he'd just been punched right in the stomach, the air whooshing out of him. "Piper -"

"I love you, Harry," she interrupted, a smile slipping onto her face despite everything. "I've loved you since the very beginning. Since you forced me to buy the deadbolt for my flat because you didn't like the idea of me being unsafe. Since you made me breakfast in the morning and told me that you'd always be there when I woke up. Since you reminded me that I was worth having, that I meant something to you. I've loved you since then and I love you now."

"Christ, Piper, I love you too," Harry said hurriedly on the other end, his voice frantic as he scrambled to say all the words he wanted to with urgency. "More than anything. I love you like I've never loved anyone else in my life before."

Piper sobbed into her fist, turning her head toward the wall of the closet and letting her forehead sink down against it. "I wish I hadn't waited so long to tell you," she told him.

"I knew. I always knew." Her stomach fluttered at Harry's words and she pressed her hand there firmly to try and keep the butterflies at bay. "What are words when we've had feelings; thoughts; actions. It's more than words. Every kiss was an I love you."

"Were they?" Piper asked with a laugh. She'd reached the point where the situation was so terrifying that it stopped being scary and she just felt weightless.

"I'd kiss you a million times, Piper. And everyone of those times would be me telling you that I love you. I always will."

She jumped when the door to the bedroom opened and heavy footsteps stomped into the room. Piper turned further into the wall, tucking her face into the corner and pressing her phone closer to her ear so the light from the screen wouldn't shine through the slats.

"Do me a favour," she said through a choked out sob. "Tell my mum that I love her."

She could tell by the pause that Harry wanted to say something like do it yourself when you get home but both of them knew the likelihood of that was near zero so instead he said, "of course I will."

"She's going to need someone so you'll look after her, right?"

"I will."

"And tell all the boys that I love them too. Tell Niall not to fuck it up with Marlow because she's going to be his wife someday and tell Liam that he'll find someone, I know he will. Make sure Louis doesn't try to hack my computer when I'm not there and Zayn will know what I want to say already so just tell him that."

"Piper, please, I can't -"

"Listen, Harry, you'll be okay. I promise. I'll be okay too. No matter what happens, I'm always with you, alright?"

"Jesus, Piper. Don't say that. You're not going anywhere." He was crying, she could hear it now. She was crying too, hot tears streaming over her cheeks in the darkness. The footsteps were getting closer and she was sure that the gunman could hear her whispered pleas. She didn't have much time.

"I'll love you forever. Longer than forever. You'll always be my Harry."

Harry's voice was thick and rough, wobbling uncontrollably. "You'll always be my petal."

Piper smiled, leaning her head back against the wall of the closet. "Say it again."

"You'll always be my petal."

Heavy footsteps stopped in front of the closet door. Piper could see the shadow of them under the thin space between the door and the carpet beneath. She blew out a long breath, letting her eyes drift shut and bringing to mind the image of Harry as she'd seen him last, in front of the stove in just his boxers, his hair up in a messy bun, as he cooked her eggy bread as a good luck breakfast before your first solo mission.

"One more time," she asked him, her voice barely a whisper.

And as she heard "you'll always be my petal" reverberating in her ear for the last time, the closet door swung open.