August 24th- Book One in the May 3rd series

Chapter 46- SUPRISE MURDERS

"You didn't miss me? And please let go of your hair."

"No... No b-bed c-cuddles. Bad . D-Don't touch ." I manage.

Don't touch me ...

"What's...wrong w-with you?!" I glare at him.

"I wouldn't have done it if you didn't say it was okay!" He says, getting out of the bed.

I back up, pressing myself against the headboard.

I instantly remember one time when I tried to get away and my dad bashed my head against the headboard of his bed.

It plays in my head and it feels so real, like it just happened.

I stare wide-eyed at Damien. "S-Stay away from m-me!" I snap at him, even though I'm pretty sure he isn't even in arms reach of me at all.

"Okay! God! I'm like ten feet from you. I'm sorry!"

My whole body is shaking like crazy and everything hurts, and my mind just keeps replaying all the awful things that have come from being in a bed with someone.

"Asshole." I mutter, dragging my nails against my scalp and tugging harder on my hair.

Fuck...

Make the memories go away . Please .

"I didn't do anything! Don't call me that!" He snaps.

I wince at his tone.

"N-Not you, dumb-ass." I reply sharply.

I want to go sit in a closet and knock my head against the wall until I pass out...

I want out of here.

I want out of everything. I want an escape.

"Don't call me that either! I'm not a fucking mind reader! You can't say something's fine and then expect me to know it actually isn't fine!"

Nothing's fine.

"Are you m-mad? D-Did I make y-you angry?"

"A little. Yeah."

He sounds pissed.

"Hit me." I say.

"What the fuck?! No!"

"Hurt m-me... I need p-punished now. R-Right now." I can't hurt myself enough. Not here.

He's mad. He should do something.

He's allowed to do anything to me. I don't have the right to scream and tell him to stop.

I squeeze my eyes shut and brace for the pain. "I...I c-can't tell y-you no . The rules... I'm b-bad."

"I'm not going to hurt you! I love you. Why the hell would I hurt you?!" I hear him begin walking back and forth, pacing.

I bite my hand, trying to shut myself up before I make things worse.

I always make things worse.

I need punished .

"B-Because...I can't s-say no . I'm n-not allowed t-to..."

I can't make him feel bad for things he's allowed to do.

I remember my dad reminding me that my body isn't mine... That everyone should have control over me and I'm bad for whining.

"S-Stop s-screaming and take it..." I remind myself quietly.

"Okay. Fine. But you can say no . You just did. Saying no is fine."