Rosa's Affair

CHAPTER 20

JUNE 13, 2018

Rose Love Paul

It is a lazy defence, however Jacob tried his best. He was a young generous researcher who had hidden his feelings for a very long time. Though at present he has found his love, he is unable to make a motion asking the person to stay with him. He knows there is no point in asking or requesting me as am not worth it. He really wanted to prioritize his voice from the margin, but if the audience is not willing to listen, then there is no use in voicing his thought. There is no answer for this journey, it's just at present the time should be wisely used.

Jacob and I went for a morning walk along the bank of a river. It was very early and the fog covered the entire area. When I left the house along with Jacob, I saw Kiran having the morning coffee sitting in the long armchair. I asked Kiran to join us, but my lazy sweetheart was very adamant in not seeing the morning rays. When I turned my attention on Jasper, he immediately circled his arm around Kiran and pretended to be a lazy man. Jasper wanted to give space to me and Jacob as I saw him wink his eyes in the direction of Jacob. Though I wanted to have a talk with Jacob, I enjoyed the solitary holding his hand. He intervened his fingers along with mine and somehow it gave me butterflies on my empty stomach.

"In terms of technical sophistication Jasper is the...best," said Jacob with a small smile on his face.

"Jasper?"

"Mmm..."

"Jacob, Tell me honestly, what do you like about Jasper and Kiran?"

"As of today...I...I don't have any honest opinion on Kiran, but Jasper is fine."

"What?" 

"Frankly, ahh...Kiran is like a sunscreen which blocks the sun rays at all cost."

"Good to hear that you see Kiran as a sunscreen, but do you know the purpose of sunscreen?" I waited for Jacob.

"Am sorry!" he apologized immediately.

"Why should you apologize? There is nothing wrong with it. What you said was the fact. Your example reminds me of how much Kiran loves me."

"Rosa! Don't take it in a wrong way, though the purpose of sunscreen is to protect the skin from the sun, if...proper sunscreen is not chosen, it not only does not protect the skin but also..."

"But also?"

"But also it may turn harmful to the skin."

What can I say after this? Though what Jacob said was absolutely right, I couldn't consider Kiran as harmful...

"Am sorry to say this Rosa and I know how much you love Kiran. Sorry to hurt you this way but...one way or the other someone has to tell you this."

"Jacob! Do you think I don't get any advice from anyone? The...fact is, from my granny to Jasper, everyone gives consistent examples and ideal thoughts to break my relationship with Kiran, however, it is not very easy. It's not that I can't, it's just I don't want to..."

"Then it's your fault, Rosa. There is nothing to blame on Kiran."

"I know!"

"You know...you don't have to make it so complicated and suffer alone. Let it go the way nature wants. We haven't planned to reveal our relationship to anyone, but Jasper was now a part of it. Who knows what the future holds for us, so...let's wait and see."

"Yes! I will wait and see what happens for me and Kiran."

"I'm jealous!"

"You, what?"

"Every time you talk about Kiran, do you know how bad I feel for myself? I am sorry I couldn't hold the jealousy."

After listening to his conversation, I wasn't able to hold anymore. "Jacob! Shall we run away leaving everything here," I asked him holding his shirt collar in my hand. He looked at my eyes and I saw Kiran in his clear pool. Even in freshman year, I used to adjust Kiran's collar and now am asking another man to betray Kiran holding his collar. Every time I adjust Kiran's collar in school, Kiran's radiant smile would kill me showing the love we shared.

I laughed listening to my own words. I must have gone mad, now I can understand how Salim would have felt having to choose Mehu-ru-nissa over Anarkali. Jacob didn't know what to say to my blabber. At one occasion I am betraying Kiran and the next second it's Jacob's turn to get betrayed. Even the fog surrounding us could hear the painful cry of my heart, but what could it do for the three of us.

"Let's go home, Kiran and Jasper must be waiting for us," said Jacob, diverting the topic.

I parted my hand from his shirt and ironed it with my hand. With a thud, I placed my head on his shoulder not taking any other support. He didn't hold me as usual yet he didn't move from the spot.

When I entered the house, Kiran ran to me at full speed and hugged me tightly. Kiran's eyes were pooled in tears and Jasper stood silently next to Kiran.

"What happened?" Jacob was the first one to raise the question.

"There was an accident nearby and...the locals said it was a foreigner and some policemen came to check...but you both were safe. Thank god!"

"Why didn't you take your cellphone with you," asked Kiran angrily, pulling me towards our room.

When I took the first stair, I slipped and fell down which made me a little dizzy. Kiran panicked and I didn't know what happened but the only thing I knew was how much Kiran loved me and still loves me.

In the evening when I woke up I found Kiran nowhere in the room. Later I found my sweetheart standing near the railing in the terrace. When I walked towards Kiran, the first thing I heard from Kiran's mouth was... "I would kill myself if you leave me!"

I stood behind Kiran, I felt like I needed to say more, but my voice betrayed me.

"Can you at least say something?" asked Kiran, not turning in my direction. Kiran took a long breath and continued staring at the sky. "Am I not worth Rose?"

"Kiran..."

"Do you know how sad I was...when...when I heard..." Kiran's voice died in the throat.

"Are you crying?" I asked, hiding my emotion. It was just a question in the eyes of the outsiders and in Kiran's but I know how I feel. It's like you want to touch it, but if I touch it, it will burn me without any sympathy.

"I have been waiting for you...for you...only god knows, am sorry to bring god in our conversation as you don't have any belief in any..."

"Kiran..."

Kiran turned and looked at my face for a split moment. "Tell me, Rose, tell me...you will never leave me."

"Huh?"

"Tell me, Rose, is it...is it hard to say that...you will never leave me?"

Am in a trap and I feel suffocated. On one side of the coin, I wanted to leave this person and start my own life but...Stockholm syndrome is playing wisely and I am becoming empathetic to my captors.

"I will never leave you!" I said, trying to finish this dreamland argument.

"Do you know what Lord Krishna said in Bhagavad Gita?" asked Kiran out of the blue.

"How would I know?"

"If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost!" Kiran paused for two seconds and continued again holding my hand. "So...we should fight for what we want so that we don't have to cry for what we lost. Even god's believed in fighting!"

My insiders smiled listening to Kiran. Sweetheart, if I choose to take Lord Krishna's words to heart, you wouldn't be here standing next to me holding my hand. I can take my next step if only you leave my hand. But would you allow me to fight for what I want?

If everyone in this world takes those priceless words seriously, no one would get what they want. If I lose today, you would win and that's all I ask Lord Krishna whom you have huge respect.