trouvaille // jenlisa

forty

/JENNIE/

"I'm scared," I whispered at Lisa, fidgeting with my fingers on my lap.

"It's okay," Lisa said, squeezing my hand softly. "Everything's going to be okay. Trust me on this."

I nodded and laced our fingers together as the traffic light turned green again. We arrived in Auckland just about an hour ago and now we're heading towards home — my childhood home and I've never felt this nervous, ever, in my life. I was about to finally face my mother and Ella, whom I'm sure probably hates me with all her guts now.

I glanced out the window and tried to avert my mind so I won't overthink again. I didn't know how much time had passed, but when I started to recognize the road, my heart went havoc and I couldn't seem to swallow the lump in my throat.

Twenty minutes.

We got twenty minutes before we would finally arrive and I was starting to panic, my hands were shaking slightly and my breathing picked up. Lisa pulled over and unbuckled her seatbelt, "Hey, look at me,"

I felt her hand tilting my head delicately and when I met her eyes, I melted inside. Will she ever stop being so perfect all the time?

"We can check in to a hotel first if you're not ready yet," Lisa said softly, her lips forming a small smile. "Don't rush. We have time."

I exhaled a shuddering breath and stared onto her lap, "I don't think it'll help. I've been running away from this for five years, Lili, I don't think I should — I think I-I have to be ready. Now. No more running away."

"It's not running away," Lisa said. "It's looking out for yourself. Your hands are shaking, baby, your eyes are unfocused, and I will be a selfish, idiotic ass if I forced you to face them now. We can have some coffee and pastries first and then —"

"No," I shook my head. "I-I'll be fine. Just, let's get this over with."

"You sure?"

I nodded eagerly, not wanting her to see how unsure I was, although I knew she probably had known already. "Alright. But come here for a sec," Lisa smiled and cupped my face, pulling me softly towards her face. "I'm proud of you, okay? Whatever's going to happen, I'll be there. It's your family, remember that, they'll love you no matter what. You'll be okay."

"Yeah," I nodded and without realizing it, tears were already running down my face. "I'll be okay. I love you."

"I love you," Lisa said before sealing her words with another kiss.

We both kept quiet as we drove down the road towards my childhood home. Auckland had always been so nice and pretty, I never realized how much I missed it until now that I'm back here again. The GPS voiced out and told Lisa to turn right and I felt like throwing up. This is it. No turning back now.

"Hey, we're here... I guess," Lisa announced, unfastening her seat belt. I turned my head to my right, and she was correct, we're already here.

It was a mediocre house painted with beige and brown, plants and colorful flowers neatly planted in our front yard, the porch I used to sit on while playing barbies with Ella, everything was still the same. For a second, I didn't feel like going back home, it just felt like I just arrived home from a long, long day at school. I kinda wished that was it. Sadly, reality sucked and this was the first time I stepped foot here for five years.