Greys III - Revelations

Chapter 41 - Connections

I wasn't impressed by him because there wasn't actually anything impressive about him. Not really, not objectively, at least. He wasn't impressively strong or fierce. He wasn't like my leader, dripping with power. He wasn't otherworldly or underworldly. He didn't have a heavenly face or hellish body. There was nothing about him that made me anxious or hungry or ache. This feeling was distinctly different. It didn't burn me, didn't weigh me down or stop me in my tracks. It didn't even quicken or catch my breath.

This was something light, something quiet. But when I saw him, I found the corners of my mouth lifting into a foreign curve, I found my body drifting closer to him, my feet moving in his direction without reason. I found something peaceful in him. When I looked into his eyes, I didn't feel fire, but I did feel warmth. I saw it too. And though I knew he wasn't impressive, I found myself admiring him, that heart and soul in his forest eyes, something my previous infatuation hadn't even had, though I no longer faulted him for that.

We spent hours that first week talking. Whenever I wasn't with my brother, I was with him, usually all night as neither of us slept much - and Kael seemed to need ten hours a night. But by the time I realized our moonlit conversations were something more, I wasn't afraid of it, of the something more. I looked forward to it, in fact, to seeing him and speaking with him about all the things we had in common.

We talked about the loss of our families, our chosen surrogate brothers, though his was just a child. How we lived for them, for others, because there was nothing left in this life for either of us. Because we would have left this world a long time ago if we hadn't decided to live for those we loved. We talked about our nightmares, why we didn't want to sleep, the things we saw that plagued us. Even our connections to something bigger was a frequent conversation point. We were both part of something much more important than ourselves or even the ones we loved and lived for.

Neither of us was strong in our own right. But we were placed with those that were. That was difficult enough in itself, especially for people as prideful as we were. And just because we were weak, so many thought it was easy for us to be good, light, as if our pasts weren't allowed to harden us because we had weak blood pushing through our veins. But anger and bitterness and loss could make up for weak parentage. Ailech helped me with that too though, helped me to not let my life, a life that had ripped me apart, again and again, turn me into someone I would hate, someone my parents and sister wouldn't recognize.

He said I helped him too. He said I was the first person to ever heal him for a change. I liked the idea of that. And though I knew it was small and weak, not powerful or passionate or strong...I wanted to be that for him. I wanted to heal him, to be his retreat, somewhere soft and warm and safe for him to hide. He deserved that much.

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I spent nearly every night with Nevaeh. Sitting in a cafeteria or a library at first, somewhere public, casual. Then walking the halls, pacing them really, until we would get into a topic too heavy for even the deserted corridors. We would duck into any room, a spare gym or class, and continue without the few eyes of those still awake in the Vault on us. Eventually, we met in the privacy of my room, sitting in the moonlight that barely trickled in, talking until the pale light turned to thin yellow as the sun rose.

She asked me not to read her, heal her, to not search through her and find all her broken parts. I respected her wishes and listened. And with the amount of use I was getting every day with all the trainings for all the Clans now at the Vault, especially Malachi, the last thing I wanted was to use my abilities on Nevaeh anyway. Instead, I healed her a different way, a Human way. And she did the same to me, just by being there, just by sitting and talking with me.