harlem's perspective.
"You should be resting, babe. I got this, I can pack just fine." Christian grabs my arm, trying to get me to stop packing his suitcase. "Go rest."
"I'm not on bed rest, Christian!" I roughly pull out of his grip. "I just had a stupid abortion. I'm fine." I snap.
I hate that I had to get that procedure done. I know the situation that we're in and why we couldn't keep the baby, but that doesn't mean I'm completely okay with what I had to do. It mentally fucked me up, like it would do to anyone. And it doesn't help that every time I look at my children or talk to my brother, that's all I can think about. A precious life that I just couldn't do right by. It sucks.
"Harlem, just talk to me instead of being passive aggressive." He retorts. He sits on the bed to face me.
I sigh and drop the pair of shorts I was folding. "I'm just over it all, Chris! You barely ever say you love me anymore, you're always coming home late from work, you weren't even there when I had to get the procedure done! Your mom had to come get me, with all 3 kids in the car, and I had to lie to my kids about why mommy had to go to the doctor! And not once have you asked if that's what I wanted to do! Nobody ever asks what I want to do or how I feel about anything anymore! Everything in my life is done for everyone else around me!"
"You sure you're not just upset about what you had to just go through?"
"You see what I mean?!" I roll my eyes. "You don't care. You're acting like you'd rather be somewhere else. We don't go on dates anymore, you don't try to do anything romantic like you used to, you clearly don't want this anymore. And if that's the case then just let me know."
"Harlem, I love you with everything in me. Things have just been super busy lately and I guess I've been taking my stress and tiredness out on you. But I do want this. I want to be with you forever. Just give it some time, things will go back to normal. I promise." He grabs my hand, rubbing it, trying to calm me down.
"I don't have some time, Christian. I need help. We need help or we're not going to make it through our first year of marriage."
"Okay, when I come back from Miami, we can go to couple's therapy. And we can do whatever else you feel like we need to do to get back on track. I'll try and come home earlier when I'm home, I'll do whatever I need to do. I can't lose you."
A few tears fall from my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away. "I need a break, Christian." I speak in a quiet tone.
"I can't lose you babe, don't do this." I could hear in his voice that he was about to cry. I hate doing this to him but I have to be honest with both him and myself.
"I'm not leaving you. I just need a break from this for a while. Maybe while you're in Miami, you should only call to check on the kids. When you get back we can start over."
"Don't do this." He tries grabbing my hand again but I pull away.
"I'm gonna go finish some work." I grab my laptop and phone from off of the bed and take them downstairs. I sit on the couch and get to work, looking up recipes, packaging and other stuff for my skincare line.
Eventually, I fall asleep downstairs on the couch.
————————
the next morning.
"Okay, I'm gonna drop him off at the airport, then I'll go run by the market and pick up a couple of things." I tell Chris's mom as I'm rushing out the door. "If I'm not back by like 10, you can let them use the iPads and give them baths one by one. If you need help, don't worry about it until I get back."
