Love, Ryder

Chapter-Twenty-Eight-Not The Life I Was After

Ryder's POV

After my ride Ail texted me wishing me luck, I texted her back letting her know I won the ride tonight. But there was an emptiness that laid inside her message that made me feel weak and lonely. My heart longed to be on the road travelling and riding bulls. I would never tell that to Ail but all that I wanted was for everything to go back to the way things were when we were both travelling on the rodeo circuit. She would run barrels and I would ride bulls, but that life was long behind Ail. She was to be a mother now and she was already being one to Colt, who was my son and I simply just left him with her. Ail's days as a professional barrel racer were over, and I knew that she would eventually come to miss it. 

Ail was always happier when she was running barrels, her heart lit up and her eyes had a danger behind them that scared me half to death. But now she holds love in her heart and motherhood inside of her, but that is the plan that God had set for Ail. She was meant to go this way and I was going to be there for her no matter what. But this wasn't the plan that God had for me. When I got back to my hotel room that night I got out a pen and paper and wrote a letter to Ail. It was a letter that I didn't want to write, but I knew it would be better for both of us this way. 

Dear Ail, 

I didn't want to ever have to write a letter like this to you, but here I am writing this to you and it breaks my heart that I am even doing so. I have never met a girl like you before, you are so full of passion and love and it overwhelmed me that one person can be so full of these things. You're getting ready to settle down while I want to spread my wings and fly, it scares me a lot that you are carrying my child and I don't know what to do about that. Ail I love you I always will but I can't be the man that you want me to be. I am wild, I crave the thrill of a ride and there is no way I am giving that up. I'm just not ready for that yet. So please forgive me for the words that I am about to say. Ail, I am packing my things, Colt can come along with me but I can be carting you around pregnant the way you are. I need this I really do and I am sorry that I have just abandoned you like this. Please write back to me, I am sorry. 

Love Ryder. 

I folded the paper up and placed it inside the envelope, tears sprung in my eyes. But I knew that it was the right thing to do, as much as it broke me to do it.