17
Agad akong pumunta sa HQ pagkatapos kong makatanggap ng tawag. And there I confirmed that Angela is being followed. Her landline, her officeline and her cellphone is bugged. We still cannot established kung alam na nila kung sino ako talaga but we presume na hindi pa nila alam yun kasi kung alam na nila dapat matagal na silang gumawa ng paraan. Pero naging maingat din sila. Sinusundan nila kaming dalawa ni Angela pero sinusundan din sila ng mga kasamahan namin. Para malaman kung kanino sila nagrereport. And it seems, that they already knew that they are being followed because they’ve become very conscious.
Iisa lang ang ibig sabihin ng lahat, dapat mas lalo kong bantayan si Angela. Ito ang mga panahon na hindi ko siya dapat hiwalayan ng tingin.
Kaya ngayon andito ako sa harapan ng foundation. Hihintayin ko siyang lumabas. Alam kong andyan siya. Simula nung lumabas siya ng apartment pinasundan ko siya pero bakit hanggang ngayon na halos nakalabas na ang mga kasamahan niya, hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin siya lumalabas. I suddenly become agitated. Kulang na lang pasukin ko siya sa loob.
Then I saw her come out the door. Lalapitan ko na sana siya nung natigilan ako dahil sa nakita kong expression ng mukha niya. Gusto kong sapakin ang sarili ko dahil alam kong ako ang dahilan kung bakit ganyan ang itsura niya. She looked like a zombie. Wala sa sariling naglalakad siya and she was about to cross the street nung nagmamadali akong lumapit sa kanya and grabbed her arms.
“Angela! Are you okay?” I asked eventhough I know that she’s far from okay. I have the nerve to ask her that question eventhough I know that she’d dying inside and I am the cause of all her pains. And it pained me so much to see her like this because I know that I am the one who broke her spirit. At hindi ko alam kong mapapatawad ko pa ang sarili ko dahil sa lahat ng sakit na ibinigay ko sa kanya.
My life wouldn’t be enough para mabayaran ang lahat ng sakit na naibigay ko kay Angela. Even another miserable lifetime for me wouldn’t be enough to bring back the light in her eyes. She’d lost too much and it’s all because of me.
“John.” She said in a broken voice the name which I don’t know if I should love or hate. The name that I am starting to get jealous with. And I cursed myself when I saw her unshed tears until it slowly run down her cheeks. I felt the tightening of my chest.
I automatically hugged her. Hindi ko alam kung para I comfort ko siya, or para siya ang magcomfort sa akin and to hide the tears na namumuo sa mga mata ko.
She sobbed further and I endured the minutes of torture of hearing and seeing her cry because I deserved it. I deserved to hear her every sob that tears my heart and I deserve to see her every tear that ripped my soul.
“I’m sorry.” Im sorry for hurting you. If only I’ve been strong enough to stay away from you. If only I have the strength to let you go. I’m sorry, if my love brings you so much pain.
Yun ang mga salitang gusto kong sabihin but was not able to voice out dahil pag sinabi ko ang mga yun alam kong mas lalo ko siyang masasaktan. So I let her cry and waited for her to calm down.
Pinasakay ko na siya sa kotse nung medyo okay na siya. Dinala ko siya sa resto kung saan pwede kaming mag usap. I have decided to tell her and I have to face the consequences later.
I ordered our food and ate in silence. Hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan kaya mas mabuti pang kumain muna siya bago ko sabihin ang lahat.
She excused at pumunta sa powder room. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa kinakabahan ako kaya sa tingin ko tense din si Angela. But nonetheless ang pagpunta niya sa powder room gave me a breather. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko habang wala si Angela. Nakailang buntonghininga din ako.
Then my phone vibrated. Someone from the HQ texted na alam na nila who’d been following us. Tumayo ako at pumunta sa mini garden para tawagan ang HQ. I need the privacy. Pero bago ako umalis ibinilin ko sa waiter na sabihan si Angela na lumabas lang ako saglit. I was about to dial the number when I heard a familiar voice called a familiar name.
“Johann!!” Hindi dapat ako lumingon. Dapat nagbibingibingihan lang ako. Pero huli na ang lahat. It must have been instinct na kung tawagin ka ay automatically na lilingon ka. And that was my mistake.
And I saw Paolo’s questioning eyes as he came towards me.
