A Good Man is Hard to Find

Chapter Fourteen

Connie

I am sitting on a packed train huddled into the corner with tears streaming down my face. The last time I felt such unbearable and excruciating pain in my heart was when my baby boy was taken from me. I feel as though my heart has been slashed from the top to the bottom and the scar that has been left behind will never quite heal itself from this. A couple are sitting across from me chatting about whose house they'll be visiting on Christmas morning, I wish that was me and Flip. We spoke about Christmas and he was willing to bring me home to his family for us all to meet for the first time. I wanted that more than anything, to finally be accepted into a real family again and to feel like I truly belonged somewhere. My little slice of happiness is over before it even really began. I've just walked away from the most amazing man that I've ever met before in my life. As much as it kills me to know that I'll never see him again, I know it's for the best, not for me but for his sake. I know Walter is dead, but that won't stop his little army of henchmen from coming after me, and the idea of Flip potentially getting caught up in the crossfire of it all scares the shit out of me. I have to protect him at all costs and that means me leaving him and disappearing so that he can move on with his life and it will be like I never existed. I haven't got much time; I don't want Flip to come looking for me. I rush back to my apartment and start throwing all my valuables into a suitcase; I don't really have a lot of things to take, which is a relief. I find my wedding and engagement rings from Felix and so many feelings run through me. Yes, I did love him very much, but he's firmly in my past now so I go into the bathroom and throw them down the toilet where they belong. That chapter in my life is dead, and now a new one is beginning. I'll leave my key under the landlord's door and he can deal with the rest. My priority now is getting out of Kansas and getting as far away as I can. I still have quite a bit of inheritance from Felix, which will pay for a plane ticket and a deposit on a new apartment. I already know where I'm headed, it's a place that I've always wanted to visit since I was a little girl. My parents both grew up there and moved to Colorado shortly before I was born, I feel like I've come full circle by moving on and going back to my roots. A new life and a fresh start.

Many years later

I'm finally in a very happy and stable place. Still living in New Jersey since I came from Kansas all those years ago. My career as a singer never took off as I was too afraid of Flip tracking me down, so I decided to send my songs to Tony at the club who passed them onto Ray. He in turn got them recognised and every single one of them became massive hits. Every time I hear them played on the radio by the amazing singers, I can feel myself bursting with pride. Ray sent all the proceeds to Tony for him to forward on to me and I decided there and then that I would set up a refuge for women and children who are in abusive situations and relationships. After everything I went through in my life, I realised that I wanted to give something back and help the women out there who felt that there was no way out. They could come to our establishment and know that they would be safe. I made sure that high quality food is provided, counseling, and all the rooms have been decorated to a very high standard, they look like something out of a five star hotel. Sometimes life doesn't go the way you plan, but I've ended up right where I'm meant to be. Living a good life, helping others, I now have some amazing friends, most of whom I have met through the refuge. Owning my own house is another achievement which I am so proud of. I never remarried and I'm currently single as I've never really met anyone that has made an impression on me to make them my life partner. Flip Zimmerman was a rarity, and I've known since the day I left him that I will meet no one like him ever again.

One Saturday afternoon as I'm doing my usual daily routine which consists of deep cleaning the house my doorbell rings. I answer it and there's a young mixed raced teenage girl standing on my porch looking up at me with a full beautiful smile on her face. "Can I help you?" I ask, assuming that she must be selling something. "Are you May Robinson?" She asks and I respond, "Yes, I am. Who are you?" She looks relieved as she replies, "My name is Laura, I'm your granddaughter."
I'm in total shock and amazement, I have a granddaughter?! "Wait, are you sure? How did you find me?" I ask hysterically. She giggles, "I went through my father's adoption paperwork and found your name. I looked you up on Facebook and here I am." She says proudly. "You'd better come in," I say as I step out of her way to let her pass me. We sit in the kitchen and I make us both a cup of tea. She tells me that her mother is originally from India and met my son when he was on a college trip there, he brought her back to New York where they got married and had Laura. She was brought up spending most of her summers visiting family in India, hence her multicultural accent. My son was adopted by a young white couple, he went to college and university where he became a science professor. To know that he has had a loving and happy upbringing and that he turned out to be a good person fills my heart with so much joy. I lost him but he gained so much better than what I could have ever given him. I'm so eager to find out everything about Laura and my son, I can't believe she traveled all this way from New York to meet me. "So, why did you decide to track me down, where's your father? My son, I would love to meet him," I say with tears in my eyes, forever I have longed and wished to find him and now I'm sat here with his daughter, it's like a dream. "I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but dad died a year ago with my mom in a car crash," she says as tears stream from her eyes. "Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry, where are you staying and who's looking after you?" I ask as I take her hand into mine. "My mom's sister, she's horrible. She's made it very clear that she doesn't want me living with her. The long and short of it is she's kicked me out and I have no place to go. So I thought I would try my luck here and ask if I could live with you," she says, looking at me with so much hope in her eyes. How could I say no? "Of course, my home is your home. Where are all your things?" I ask as she's only got a rucksack with her. "This is it," she responds solemnly. "Don't worry, I'll take you out shopping tomorrow and we can get you a whole wardrobe full of new things. How does that sound?" I say to her. She beams at me, "Thank you, thats so awesome. Shopping with my grandma." It feels so weird hearing the word grandma, but it's a title I have always longed and hoped for, I lost my chance to be a mother but now I have this amazing gift of Laura, a granddaughter. My son is no longer alive, but he lives on through his daughter and now it's my responsibility to look after her. I screwed up with him, but this is my chance to redo the past and make up for all the years I have lost out on. "Oh, and can I bring my boyfriend along too?" She asks eagerly as she whips her black curly hair from the band on top of her head and lets it fall freely down to her shoulders. "Boyfriend? Oh, alright then, what's his name?" I ask as I roll my eyes at her. She giggles, "Paterson," she replies simply.