A Good Man is Hard to Find

Chapter One

Again, this has happened to me again. It is always the same old story. After he has finished splitting my lip open or breaking one of my ribs, I hear the familiar pleading of, "I'm sorry" or "you know I love you." This time it's different, he has put the last nail in the long overdue coffin. That man will never lay another finger on me ever again. I can only just about open my swollen eyes, I find myself back in St Francis's Medical Center. I don't know who found me or who called the ambulance, in actual fact I wish they hadn't. My life isn't worth living anymore, I've lost everything and everyone I've ever loved and cared about, all because of that dickhead. I left home at nineteen, my parents didn't approve of my relationship, they argued that he was too old for me. The warning signs were there very early on and I just discarded them. I wanted to be free of my family, have my own independence, and start something new with the man I loved. As soon as I moved in with him, things changed. He started going out every evening, leaving me home alone, and most of the time he would stay out all night long. I knew deep down in my heart that he was playing away, but I suppressed it and made excuses for him, that his job was so stressful and taking me on as an extra responsibility must have taken its toll on him. I was also six months pregnant with his baby. Initially he was excited and couldn't wait to become a daddy. When the realization hit him, he knew that he was going to have to change his ways and become responsible that was when the violence started. In hindsight I should have left him as soon as he swung the first punch, but he couldn't be more sorry after it happened and he promised that it would never happen again. That was a lie, and I suddenly became his very own personal human punchbag. I had never felt so scared before in my life, I had no money, no family and no place to stay. I wasn't about to admit to anyone close to me they were right all along. When I looked in the mirror the woman looking back at me was not the same one that walked in this house nearly a year ago. I'd put on so much weight since I fell pregnant, Nathan was not turned on by me anymore, every time I tried to initiate sex he would say he was tired and when we did the deed, he would cum really quickly and I would have to fake an orgasm. For a young woman who was living with the man she loved and was expecting a baby, I should have been on cloud nine, instead I was living in a real life nightmare. Looking back, I should have swallowed my pride, told my family and left him. Maybe if I had, I could have saved my unborn baby from his premature death. I was eight and a half months pregnant at this point, Nathan had been out all night drinking with his mates and I was stuck at home yet again. Nothing had been bought for our baby as of yet, every single penny he earned he would spend on himself and his drinking habit. My due date was looming, and I had no choice but to question him this particular night. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted that conversation every minute of every day since. "You ungrateful little bitch, after everything I have done for you. You're still asking more and more from me. I didn't even want that bastard of a child! How do I even know if that kid in there is mine? You trapped me into this relationship because you wanted to be a lazy cunt and sit on your arse all day long. Who pays the bills around here, me? So don't try to tell me that I have to pay for a kid that I didn't even want in the first place." His words cut into my soul so deep, our whole relationship was one big lie. There was never any love from him to me and I had walked out on my family by choosing him over them and ended up with absolutely nothing. "I'm leaving you, I'm going back home to my family," I announced. I didn't even think about what I was saying. I knew my family wouldn't just allow me to come home after everything I had put them through. Nevertheless, the thought of sleeping on the streets was a much better option than staying with a violent, narcissist who I was certain would end up killing me one day. "You're not going anywhere!" He bellowed at me, I ran for the stairs and as I approached the first step I felt his hand shoving me from behind. I lost my footing and I plummeted down the stairs all the way to the bottom. All I could think about was my baby, I didn't care about myself or my injuries all I wanted was my unborn baby to be ok. "Nathan, please call an ambulance. I can't lose my baby, our baby," I mumbled as tears streamed down my face. He slowly walked down the stairs with this sinister look on his face and I knew that he was not going to help me. My baby wasn't going to survive, "I already told you, I never wanted that bastard child in the first place." With that he kicked me in the stomach and knocked me out unconscious in the process. When I eventually came to I was still lying at the bottom of the stairs in a pool of my own blood. I was too weak to even contemplate standing up, so I had to crawl to the phone, there was no sign of him in the house and I knew that if I didn't call for help then I would have ended up dead. When the ambulance finally came and took me into hospital, I knew in my heart that there was no hope for my baby. They didn't even need to do an ultrasound on me; I knew my baby had died. I was his mother, and I was meant to protect him, and I failed. By staying in that loveless relationship it lost me my baby boy and I knew that I would never ever forgive myself and I haven't. The most horrific thing about this whole situation is that this happened over ten years ago and I still went back to him.