Slowly learning that life is okay (GirlxGirl) [COMPLETE]

Dina - All I want for Christmas is you

She drove with Ellie to Jesse's house.

They didn't talk about what happened on Christmas Eve at Ellie's, because technically, nothing had happened. They only held hands, and giving Dina's personality, it didn't usually mean a lot.

But it had never meant so much.

Ellie, though, had been avoiding looking at her, even if her voice was normal when they talked. It was weird.

It wasn't snowing like it had been last year, but there were piles of snow on the sides of the road and the sky was dark with clouds.

Robin had left them some food and drinks and all of them held a glass with juice of soda inside. The fire burned and made the room cozy as they were all sitting around Jesse's centre table.

They played board games and talked until they decided to start the Secret Santa. It was weird how similar it was to last years, except there was no Cat that year and Jesse was nothing more than a friend.

Then Ellie opened the little packet and Dina held her breath, waiting for her reaction. She'd gotten her a grey NASA hoodie with a retro shuttle on it. She raised the sweatshirt, her lips opening in a grin and Dina breathed again, a smile on her own face.

"Thank you, Dina," she said to her, the smile still on her face. It felt like it was only the two of them in Jesse's living room.

"It's fine," she looked away, her eyes meeting Emma's.

"I didn't know you liked space, Ellie," Jesse said and she shrugged.

"It's cool,"was her only answer.

"Hey, Dina, can you help me with the rice?" Emma said, pulling her towards the kitchen. Dina knew it had nothing to do with the rice because Robin already left it all ready for them. "What's happening?"

Should she play dumb? But it was Emma, not Lucas. "What?"

Emma rolled her eyes, looking at the door then back at her. "I am all seeing, Dina," she had a smile on her lips, though, "are you crushing on Ellie?"

"No!" Emma raised an eyebrow, unconvinced and she sighed. "Maybe... okay, yes."

"I knew it! I was thinking about it for weeks, then you pulled that whole staring thing at the lake and I don't know how the others didn't figure it out yet," she seemed really content with her discovery and she was holding Dina's arm, "does she know you like her?"

"I thought it was obvious," she mumbled. She honestly had thought she was better at hiding, but apparently not.

"I mean, it was, but we know how Ellie is dumb for shit like this," she smiled, fixing herself another cup with soda, "I mean, she didn't realize Cat was flirting with her for a month!"

They laughed, remembering how oblivious she'd been, how shocked she'd seemed at the Halloween party last year.

"She really is..." she sighed again. Should she be more direct? I mean, she kissed her, that was pretty straight forward. But then they kind of acted like it never happened. The two times it happened. "I don't know how to say that."

"How about, 'hey Ellie, I like you'?" Emma shook her by the shoulders, "you gotta do it, what if she thinks you don't like her and then someone comes along and steals her away?"

She forced out a laugh, a familiar cold feeling twisting in her stomach.

"I don't know. I'm afraid to mess our friendship up," she confessed. It was true, she really liked her, but she was scared to change things, to lose Ellie's as a friend if things didn't work out.

"Bullshit," Emma dismissed it with her hand, "I see all, Dina, and I see how she looks at you."

"How?"

"The same way you look at her. Almost," she smirked teasingly, "you kinda undress her with your eyes sometimes."

"Shut up!" she said, pushing her and they both laughed as they exited the kitchen, "I do not do it."

But Emma only hummed, like she wasn't convinced, and took her place beside Lucas with a wink at her.

Was it really that obvious she was crushing on her? Or was it just because Emma was really perceptive? Could she keep living without having that conversation? I mean, wasn't it obvious after kissing her? That's what you do when you like someone, right?

"Thanks for the hoodie," Ellie said beside her, making her smile.

"Figured you'd like something space-y," she chuckled, and Ellie did too.

She learned to find peace beside Ellie, but her heart also did all this messed up beats that made her hands sweaty and her breath catch every time Ellie was around her.

She wondered if Ellie felt it too.

"Are you coming to the bonfire?" She cleared her throat, feeling an uncharacteristic nervousness. Ellie nodded.

"Yeah, the old man is going out with Esther," she shook her head, "can you believe he's actually going out with someone? Like, on a date?"

Dina laughed at Ellie's voice, feeling the awkwardness vanish. She moved slightly, making her shoulder touch Ellie's and then smiled up at her.

She could ask her out on a date. Could she? Should she?

"Dina-" Ellie started, but Bonnie cut her.

"Hey, you two, we're playing UNO, c'mon," she motioned for them to sit around the centre table again and they followed.

"What were you gonna say?" she watched as Ellie's cheeks turned pink and she looked away.

"N-Nothing," then she sat at the table and looked at all of them, "I'm gonna destroy you."