Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 39

CHAPTER 39

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Okay, I'm going to update a few chapters until there's a cliffhanger because these next few chapters are my favorite. Wow I just realized that there's a little too much drama in this book in total but it's realistic I guess because it is based off of someone. 

Any way I love you guys thanks for all the reads, votes, and commetns. They mean a lot to me. I hope you enjoy. 

Also there's a little time jump from the last chapter to this one.

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So for five months I completely shut myself out. I don’t reply to my texts, I rarely go on instagram or twitter, and I forward all my calls. I occasionally answer my mom and let her know that I’m doing alright even though in no way, shape, or form am I doing alright.

I’m so hard on myself, I hate everything, every decision I’ve ever made. I honestly wish I could take everything back and start all over. Maybe leaving was stupid, I know it was. It’s killing me being this far away from all of my friends, my family, and mostly Jack. Both Jack’s actually. I feel, that if I stayed I could’ve helped, but I’m a selfish fried who only thought about my happiness.

The last night we spent together was the best night of my life and I’m craving the affection from him once again. To hold him in my arms would be the best thing I could have right now. But I fucked up.

I wont let myself believe in Jack’s and mine’s love through social media or texting. That’s not a relationship. I can’t move on from Jack, but I can’t pursue him right now.

It will never be the same. It will never be okay.

I will never be able to hold the only boy I want to hold and be okay about it. I’m broken, and I can't drag him down like this. If I ever see him cry again, like he did at my house while trying to hold it in, my heart might just break. I can’t break up with him over phone or text, I have to do it in person.

But will I be able to do this in person? Will I be okay standing there, in front of the boy I love, ending it all when all I want is to mend it?

I couldn’t, maybe I’ll move across the country again so he can’t find me but I’m done running away. I’m done running away, I’m done falling in love, I’m done with Jack…except I’m not.

Every morning is the same, I wake up and chat with Gram at the table, she’ll be doing the crossword puzzles from the newspaper and drinking her morning coffee with a bowl of oatmeal and fruit. I’ll help myself to some cereal and watch her.

Granddad will get up an hour or so later, after I’ve already driven myself to school.

I don’t have many friends at school, I have a lot of “academic friends” who I work with on homework and projects, but I’ve never let myself make a real connection with anyone. I sit with people at lunch and we make small talk but no one means anything to me. And to be honest it kind of sucks.

Every day is the same, every class is the same, to me every person is the same. The routine is constant and it doesn’t ever change. Jack texts me at least once a day, sometimes really worried about me and it makes me guilty that I don’t respond. Xander calls, and Emily texts, Johnson texts and Sammy tries to get through as well. Addison occasionally texts even Mack will text me when he’s worried about me for Gilinsky’s sake.

I never thought that ignoring all these people would do me or them any harm, yes I felt guilty but there is only one person I regret not texting back…

That is one day, I get a call.

I’m thoroughly and utterly broken, I have to get home.