Fix Me (A Jack Gilinsky FanFic)

Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

Maybe I am tired or exhausted or maybe I just felt so momentarily happy. I do not love him, at least not that way. I appreciate him being there for me and protecting me and I love how sweet he’s being to me but I don’t love HIM.

“I-uh-I love you too,” he says honestly but yet hesitantly.

The last thing he says before I fall asleep. Falling asleep in his arms is the best feeling I’ve ever felt and I immediately drift off.

*****

Jack is ripping his clothes off and I help him. Once he’s done he helps me take mine off, we’re kissing passionately and he grabs a square package from his jean pocket as he shoots me the sexiest laugh ever sticking his tongue out of his mouth. He pushes me onto the bed and I pull him after me. He climbs on top of me and immediately starts ripping open the package as his lips are sucking on my neck. Until he takes a moment to pause. He looks down and sees the scar on my chest.

He spits out the most painful words. I don’t remember all of them, “pathetic,” I recall, “disgusting,” he whispers.

“Stop, Jack, stop,” I start to cry and kick him away, I make a few sounds and I begin to whine.

“Cat, Cat, CAT!” Jack shakes me until I wake up. It was just a dream.

I’M SO FRUSTERATED. I’m not crying but I’m panicked and sweaty. But I couldn’t control this. I woke up this way as if something had taken over me in my sleep. Fuck me. Fuck my life. Kill me; my mind is messing with me in every way. It’s torture and I can’t handle this.

I push myself away from Jack and take a tearless sob into my pillow, “Please kill me,” I took quieter sobs into my pillow and tears begin to build up in my eyes. Jack’s firm hands rest on my sides.

“Catherine, we need to talk,” he says.

“Jack, I’m so sorry. I’ve had a really bad day… I…”

“Catherine LISTEN,” he begins to raise his voice, “I can’t stand to see you like this…I’ll stay with you as long as you need me, all night, all week if you need it, until you’re happy. That’s all I want. Xander has called, Addison has called, your mom called, Sammy, Johnson, Emily…tons of people. I’m really worried about you. I think you should talk to me, just spill everything. Or talk to someone please. It will feel good to get it out in the open.”

“Uh…I…” I reach for my phone and check my home screen to see that I’ve been swarmed with notifications, “Could you tell Jack and Sammy to come over? I miss them.”

Jack nods and leaves the room. He’s disappointed that I didn’t take his speech to mind. Although I did, after he leaves I quickly fall back asleep. A dreamless sleep this time. When I wake I feel refreshed. I wake up in Sam’s arms this time. Not in them but he lays his hand upon my thigh and he hugs me once he sees that my eyes had fluttered open.

“Hey beautiful,” Jack and Jack aren’t in the room. Just Sam and I.

“Sammy,” I nestle into his chest as I hug him. I sit up in bed and Sammy stands up. He leaves the room and goes to fetch Jack and Jack without me even asking.

I get up and head to the bathroom. When I come back they’re all sitting on my bed.

“So what’s going on beautiful?” Sammy says. Sam says ‘beautiful’ when he’s trying to comfort a girl as you can tell.

“Not a lot,” I’m starting to lose my voice and I sound really deep. He gives me a look.

“Come on, you know what I mean.”

“Okay… I really don’t like talking about my feelings. Sam you’re one of my best friends and Jacks I feel like I can trust you two with my life as much as I can anyone else, that’s hard to accomplish. I’m going to tell you something I’ve never talked about. And it uh…I come from a bad place. I’ve gotten better. I promise but…”

Sammy sits next to me and holds my hand, “So I lost my dad as a kid, not really sure if he’s alive or dead…” I’m stuttering a lot and speak slower than mud, “I don’t remember a funeral. I don’t hear stories, I’m not contacted by him. I don’t know. All I know is I loved my dad. My mom loved my dad. My brother loved my dad… So my brother went to college, my dad’s gone, and my mom’s always working. I fended for myself. I had one best friend who’s name was James. He was the only one who knew everything about me and I told him everything. His parents beat him. A lot. Things got bad. He didn’t die in a drunken accident… Let’s not talk about how he died… But being a teenage girl, I thought my life was over. I…I uh, I went home that day...” This was the most awkward thing ever. Someone help. I sat there not talking for minutes, “I’m so stupid,” I shake my head and cover my face with my hands.

“No, you’re not stupid. Don’t say that,” Sammy pulls me into his chest.

“I’m so stupid… I did such stupid things. I-uh-we moved to get away from all these rumors and this pain. I used to talk to my mom all the time about everything. I secluded myself and that hurt me even more. I had to get away from everyone and everything. I couldn’t handle things. I can’t handle things,” in that moment, that one second, all I wanted was to talk to my mom. Talk to her like I used to, like before we moved, “I’m sorry.”

“I have to go.” 

And so I ran.

*********************

Author's note,

Hey guys, I hope y'all like the story so far, I'm actually almost finished with the whole thing and I promise you things get pretty good. Keep reading and don't forget to comment and vote. I love you all, thanks for reading :)