Chapter 12: Ice cream and Skittles

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Chapter 12

I woke up to a searing pain in my back and groaned from the intensity of it. I turned my head enjoying the feel of the soft material I was resting on as it brushed against my face but I was afraid to open my eyes lest the pain became greater. When I felt something moving against my skin I opened them.

The first thing I saw was a familiar mirror, shattered and propped haphazardly against an equally familiar grey wall. On the ground just below it lay glass fragments, some small and almost unnoticeable and some huge and jagged. I was in Carson’s room I realized, which could only mean that whatever was moving against the raw skin of my back was being manipulated by him.

“Carson.” I said his name softly. The movement stopped for half a second then it started again. He didn’t answer and my heart fell. He was obviously still upset with me for disobeying him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have disobeyed you…I- I’ll-“

“Just stop Laken,” his voice sounded hoarse like mine usually did after I  had had  a good cry, but of course that was impossible. Carson never cried. Ever.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, look what I did to you.” his voice broke on the last word and I turned my head slowly to look around at him. He was still dabbing the cloth against my aching flesh and he didn’t look away to meet my eyes. I frowned, something wasn’t right here. Despite the pain I was feeling and the utter exhaustion, I could tell something wasn’t right with him.

 This was not the same Carson I’d gone to the movies with just last night. That Carson had been full of smiles and warmth and excitement. This Carson just looked…lost. Totally dejected, as if society had turned its back on him and he was left all alone in the world. It scared me, this look. I would have preferred him angry, eyes blazing rather than looking like this. It took awhile for me to understand his mood, when I did it was certainly an eye opener;

He felt guilty for what he did! I wouldn’t have believed it if I wasn’t here to see him for myself. He felt guilty for punishing me! The thought alone, made me feel bad myself.

“Carson, it’s ok, I don’t blame you you know… what I did was wrong and I deserved to be punished for it...so you can stop feeling guilty over it.” I said, resting my head against the pillow once more.

“Guilty? I fucking loathe myself right now! and you did nothing to deserve that kind of punishment. Nothing.” His voice was harsh as he said this.

I raised my head to look him at him again, this time his eyes came up to meet mine. “I don’t care what you did Carson.” I said tiredly.

“Laken you don’t-” he interrupted.

“No! I don’t care what you did to me, it doesn’t matter, I don’t blame you for it, you could do anything you wanted to me and I wouldn’t care because I…I love you…I love you and I just don’t care.”

There I’d said it. I finally told him how I felt after years of staring and longing and heartache. It was time he knew. I’d already been through the worst; this seemed like a piece of cake in comparison and I had a hard time believing it could get much worse.

As the pain got to be too much for me and the exhaustion began to take over, I lowered my head once more, but not before I’d seen the look of shock on his face, then the gentleness enter his eyes.

I heard him move then I shivered when I felt his lips on my flesh. He gave me a small peck, right there on my back amidst the torn flesh and dried blood. Nothing could have warmed my heart more. I didn’t even need a reply from him. Whether or not he loved me didn’t matter because I had enough love in me for the both of us.

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