For Us

5. The texts.

{Kurt}

Kurt curled under the covers of his bed, his battered phone screen lighting up the soft space, the impossible text glowing up at him.

<It's Jon White... I wish things were different for us>

For us.

Kurt's heart felt so big in his chest he had to remind himself to breathe. A thousand things he could say back, that he'd imagined himself saying to Jon over the years, flapped around his brain but for once he couldn't get them out into words. After starting and deleting a dozen messages, he turned off his phone to try to sleep.

{Jon}

Jon checked his phone the next morning as their cat, Misty, wove through his legs meowing for food. His message looked lonely on the screen and he thought of something more he wanted to say.

<I listened to your song Unrequited new yes? It wasn't on your EP last year>

Cary was already gone to work, but had left coffee in the pot for him. Jon blended his morning bullet proof with turmeric and coconut milk. While the drink whirred Jon remembered the feel of Kurt's breath on his cheek as he told him a secret, lying on the floor of Kurt's bedroom under a blanket fort they had built. He opened the one-sided message thread and wrote:

<It gave me all the feels. I wish I was the person I am today that summer with you>

{Kurt}

Kurt was at the worksite with Cary Douglas when the distinctive text chime rang in his pocket, telling him it was White. Twice. His heart skipped a beat and he glanced at his phone. Mudding the next seam at record speed, he composed his text back in his mind.

"Can we use the washroom down here?" he asked Cary.

Cary waved his mudding tool at the doorway and Kurt excused himself. He leaned against the bathroom door, fingers flying.

<been writing unrequited for years just never brave enough to perform it live *blushing smiley* glad it gave u all the feels me too obv *crying smiley* why do u wish u were the person u r today?>

{Jon}

Jon studied through lunch and spent the afternoon buried in the University library before his shift. Possibly he fell asleep on his Psych textbook. He didn't have time to check his phone until he was waiting in the drive-through for a wrap and smoothie. Seeing Kurt's name and the emojis made his face heat.

"He wrote me back," he said softly. He was alone so frequently that he'd never broken the habit of talking to himself. On good days it felt like Someone was listening, as if he never was really alone.

He meant to spend his break catching up on work emails--instead he sat on a park bench and stared into space trying to answer Kurt's question.

<I guess two things: I wish I was the person I am today and you were the person you are today and we had that summer back. It's stupid because we were just kids and how could we know what we know now>

He swallowed, shutting his eyes briefly, then texting the rest: <I had nothing to lose then and I wish that was still true>

{Kurt}

Kurt had to catch a ride with Cary to their worksite because his piece of shit Corolla wouldn't start again. Leaning an elbow on the dusty passenger side door of Cary's truck, Kurt blinked at the morning sunlight gilding the empty streets and thought about Jon's last text.

"Can I ask you a question, Douglas?" he ventured.

"Shoot," Cary said.

"You don't have to tell me if it's none of my business. But, um. Why isn't Jon out? Is it his churchy parents?"