Back In time

Thirty

Home. I once thought of Nicholas as my home; a place that I could find refuge in. But now, that home was just a place I once knew. Now, it was about to be replaced with someone else.

The ride back was engulfed in hushed silence. The Fredricks that I knew of, with a bubbly personality, was reduced to a quiet state. Yet, I felt extremely grateful that he stayed by my side. I couldn't have asked for a better friend.

*

"Abbey." We had reached the living hall of his house, "I know that you are going through a tough time. And it pains me to see you in this way. If there was any way to transfer it all, I would do it without hesitation. But know this, that I shall be by your side and all you have to do is lean on me."

It was clear what Fredricks meant, but the feeling was anything but mutual. I was not ready to throw myself at another guy after having broken by another. Moreover, I had no romantic feelings for Fredricks, only friendship. But how could I bring myself to hurt his feelings with a straight-up rejection?

"I am aware of your feelings, Fredricks. But I am afraid that I need some time, although I do not know if I am able to reciprocate it the way you would want me to."

"I am willing to wait for you," he burst out, "I am willing to wait for you for as long as it takes."

***

"Are you alright, dear?" Claire's face held such concern. Knowing about my current condition, it was evident that she treated me with such gentleness.

"I am fine."

"Are you sure? Your eyes look considerably puffy." I smiled while nodding at the same time, hoping that this conversation would come to an end. Claire, who seems to have notice this, decided to stop the prying.

"All right. I will be heading to the market for little while, would you like to come with?"

"No, thank you."

"Okay. I will be back soon." She responded as she hooked the basket in her arms before leaving the house. 

With Fredricks out for an errand in the early morning, I was finally left all alone. And so here I was, with me, myself and my thoughts, still in the process of recovery from last night.

Not long after, I plunged onto the couch, a knock came from the door, causing me to groan in annoyance as I couldn't have a moment of peace to myself.

"Who is it?" I hollered, reluctantly pulling myself up to approach the entrance. A bombardment of knocks came en route to the door.

"Okay, okay! I'm coming!" I yanked on the knob, causing the door to swing unusually wide.

"What do you want?" The moment those words flew out of my mouth, I became aware of who stood before me as flashbacks from last night started flooding into my mind once more.

"Nicholas."

"Abbey."

The both of us said in unison.

"Is Fredricks home?" he enquired.

"He is out on an errand."

"I see."

Then, there was stillness, as if a wall were standing between us.

"Is it alright if I come in?"

As much as I didn't want him to, it was not my house to begin with; and as much as I wanted to have nothing to do with him, I still yearned for him, hoping that I still had a place in his heart.

Dream on. He is getting married soon.

I stepped aside to allow him entry before leading him to the living area.

"How are you?"

"I am fine." And then there was silence once again. After all that had happened, I couldn't and didn't know how to communicate with him anymore.

"Are you not mad at me?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, needing some time to compose my thoughts as I was completely taken aback by his question.

"Why did you not lash out at me when I told you that I was getting married?"

"What's the point?" I sighed, hitting the memory lane of that morning when that wedding dress was all it took to explain the situation. "Would it change a thing if I did lash out at you?"

There was no answer from Nicholas.

"I thought so", disappointment began to seep in, daunting me that it was all for nothing but a wishful thinking, "I thought that I was special to you, but it turns out that I was just a flower that you can pick and later trample when you have lost your interest." The struggle to convey those words were magnanimous.

"I should have known that you were toying with me ever since the beginning..." I continued, allowing a melancholic laugh to form.

"Do you want to know the truth?"

"The truth?" I couldn't help but snort at his remark, "all this time, you have kept your marriage from me and yet you're asking if I might want to know the truth?" I laughed at his absurdity, unable to believe what I just heard. "What is truth, Nick? Do you know what it means to me?"

"No, never will I believe in you. I would be a fool if I were to place my trust in you once more." The endeavor of holding back the tears proved challenging as my emotions started to get ahead of me.

"Then, I shall respect your decision." Nicholas replied as he stood up from the couch and made his way toward the entrance with me following behind him. My legs began to tremble, forcing me to give way. Nonetheless, I held on and bit hard on my lip to the point that blood could be tasted; hoping that the pain would divert the attention of my sorrow.

"Here," Nicholas held out a card on his hand.

_____________________

The honor of your presence is requested.

Mrs. Eleanora Dolittle invites you to the marriage of her daughter Amelia Dolittle to Nicholas Alexander Clayton, the son of Mr. and Mrs. Walter Clayton

Sunday, the twenty sixth of August, eighteen fifty-five, One o'clock in the afternoon.

Henderson Central Park, 312 Ninth Street

_____________________

"I hope to see you there." I kept silent as my eyes were glued on the piece of card.

"Abbey," Nicholas tried reaching out to grab my hand, but it compelled me to back away.

"Have a great life, Nicholas," my face void from any expression.

I quickly slammed the door shut before my knees finally gave way and buckled. The wedding invitation in my hand was now reduced to nothing but a lump of crumpled paper.

"AAAARGHHH!" I hurled that piece of paper with every ounce of leftover energy. By now, I could no longer withhold the tears that so easily sprung and ran free.

Does he feel happy for having to hurt me repeatedly? Hasn't he done enough damage?

"Shhh," A set of arms wrapped around me, as if trying to bring a lifeless body back to life.

"I hate him," I whimpered, covering my damp eyes with the palms of my hand, "Fredricks, I hate him."

"Abbey. We both know that you still love him," his soft and reassuring voice made me realize the truth, that no matter how much I hated him, that love will still overpower the hurt that Nicholas had inflicted unto me.

"It will be alright, Abbey. It will be alright," he comforted.

Will it really?

*****************

Hello my lovelies!

How do you think of this book so far? A few more chapters before this book officially ends! But as a newbie writer, I would love to know the comments and perspectives you have on this book. So feel free to input your ideas :D