Finding Abby

4

I realise when I get into the car with Finn and see his sister Izzy is driving that Alex and Zee are not joining us for a swim.

I don't mind actually. It's been cool just hanging out with Finn. Usually, Alex takes over the conversation and talks about his latest obsession—this time it's cheese—or Finn and Zee goof off about Minecraft or the footy.

We all only started hanging out with Finn a few months ago really, when his family moved from Adelaide to Koroit. The kids who live in Koroit all get the bus into town to go to school so, naturally, he veered towards our group once he discovered we're all in the same year and live close.

When we get to the beach, Finn and I are the only ones there. We drop our stuff on the sand – I make sure the mixtape's safely at the bottom of my bag. The wind blows our hair around and, like I knew it would be, the water's pretty cold. We go in anyway because we're there and we want to. It's weird leaving the mixtape on the beach and I hope it'll be there when I get back.

As I duck under the waves, the chill of the ocean that's come straight from Antarctica seeps through me. It hits me deep inside and wakes me right up; pumps my blood fast through my limbs. I think about the little kid at the pool. I'm angry at his dad for not watching out for him; for not being there for him. I'm sad to think that kid might never go swimming again. I hope what happened won't make him afraid of the pool, or the beach or the waves.

I push the thoughts away and focus on Finn. He's a good swimmer, like me. Years of obsessive swimming at school, teaching swim classes and the Nippers at the surf lifesaving club means I'm strong in the breakers. I love the burn in my muscles when I'm ploughing through the surf on the rescue board when we practise.

When I'm in the water I become part of it. I don't have to think about anything. The waves can hit me and bash me about and the force of them on my body pushes my thoughts away. Some days, when it's calm, I close my eyes and sink underneath the rollers. I lie flat on the sand in the murky depths with the sunlight streaming through the water and the waves folding in sheets above me. Sometimes I wish I could float away and never go home.

Finn's hilarious. He makes me laugh hard because he laughs in solid chunks like a seal. When either of us gets dunked, he cracks his laugh out and shakes the water from his hair like a dog drying its coat. Finn does everything on purpose to make me laugh and I do because he's funny as hell. His face is all freckles and sunshine and huge laughing mouth under slick, wet hair. He's the type to throw seaweed and mess around in the water.

I still can't get that kid in the pool and Ben and the mixtape out of my mind. I probably seem distracted to Finn. I can't help checking back to the beach to make sure no one's going near our stuff and I know he's noticed. For as long as I can handle it, I focus all my energies on teaching him to body surf properly but thankfully we only manage to stay in for another twenty minutes before we both start turning blue and my teeth start to chatter.

***

We wait in the car park at the Surf Club for Finn's sister to pick us up. Finn sits on the low wooden fence with his towel wrapped around his shoulders. I've checked my bag and the mixtape is still there, safe at the bottom so I can relax.

I'm trying to wipe the sand off the sides of my feet on the grass when Finn says, "Hey, Jenna?"

Finn rubs his towel over his hair and leaves the towel hanging over the sides of his head so I can't see his face.

I slide my feet back into my thongs and come around in front of him. All I can see are his short yellow swimmers with the flowery pattern and the tight crease in his stomach where he's sitting down. He runs his palms up and down his thighs.