Should I Stay

Chapter 3

Within a few days I was on my way home, back to America. I had managed to find a way out of the marriage. I talked everything through with Connor's parents, they had understood how upset and discouraged I was, they knew being here wasn't good for my health or for their son.

My heart ached every time I thought about leaving. I knew I shouldn't, but I know I wouldn't get better if I didn't. I need some normal in my life. I need all my old friends, I need my room, my parents. Even if they had sent me to marry some stranger I didn't have it in me to hate them. Missing them was just another hole in my heart, one that was going to be filled. I knew the second that I left I just created a new hole, one for my new home, my new family I had lost.

Connor had begged me to stay the day I exploded on him about eating, but after I refused to stay for probably the hundredth time, he gave up. He didn't talk to me, he was never at the house, he was just gone. I can't help but to say that I was disappointed. I wanted him to not give up, I knew I wouldn't give in, but he could've fought harder for me.

Once I set foot in America everything had changed. My parents greeted me with tears and more hugs than anyone would ever need, but I hadn't been happier in months. I was home, I was with my parents, everything actually seemed normal for the first time in months. I got phone calls from friends, and visits. I slept in my own bed, with my favorite blankets, my doggy curled up at my feet. I began eating better.

I stopped regretting everything that had happened with Connor. It had to happen, I had to get back to my life here. I had to get back to my family and friends, the college I dreamed of. I didn't have to be a housewife here, I never even have to be a wife. It was super refreshing to me. Although there was a gnawing feeling that wouldn't quite go away.

Weeks passed with no mention of Connor, or England. Everything was merely a dream, another lifetime away. I stopped grieving the babies in such a harsh way. It was better. My parents finally decided after I started eating, hanging out with friends, even laughing that it was finally a safe subject.

"Kate, what happened? What made you want to come home?" Mom asked.

"I... didn't have a reason to stay, I didn't want to. I don't... I don't love him anymore. Even if I did, I don't deserve him."

"You said you did." She smoothed my hair. "I could hear it in your voice."

I sighed, "You didn't hear anything, I was completely in lust with him. I thought I was in love when I got pregnant, but I was more in love with the thought of love than I was Connor. He was more in love with the person he thought I was." I looked at her with a blank expression, "Now, can I please go to sleep?" She nodded, that was the last I heard about Connor for weeks. Everything was normal... Until I got a call from Alex.

"Katey, you've got to come home." He begged, I could hear the desperation in his voice.  

"I can't, I won't." I murmured into the phone.

"Connor... there's something really wrong." I knew something was actually wrong with Connor, my heart sped up and my stomach felt trapped in my throat. "He's..." The next words tore my world apart yet again.