Should I Stay

Chapter 1

I curled up in bed, mentally and physically exhausted from my soon to be mother-in-law pulling me around all day, knowing that I wasn't in the mood for anything joyous. The door slowly cracked open, Connor. "Hey, Katey, you're home." He stated bleakly.

"Yeah, I am." I stated, avoiding eye contact.

"How did it go, got your dress?"

"Yep." I sighed, wishing that he would just leave me alone.

"I bet it's beautiful." He said, rubbing my back, "I know you look stunning in it." I scooted over farther in my bed. "I'm sorry, I'll go, love you." He kissed my pale cheek.

"Yeah, you too." I whispered, mine and his relationship had became forced after my miscarriages had happened and we found out that I was pregnant with twins. Yes, twins one hadn't actually died that night at Bon Appitit, she lived for another month. I just lost her 3 months ago, sure its a long time, but nothing could heal the aching pain I felt for my two little babies I lost. Connor was in pain too, but he hadn't had his body changes, he hadn't held them. He didn't have to feel responsible for their death. I didn't like to be around people, not even Connor we talk to each other a few minutes everyday, I'm not even sure if we are still together anymore.

I pulled my quilt over my head, I sighed, Mae. I was supposed to call her tonight, too bad for that. I looked around, I saw the clock 7:30, unfornately dinner should be done soon. I grabbed my pills from the bedside table, I looked at the label and popped 2 pills into my mouth. I frowned while swallowing them, I stood up and walked down stairs. "Is supper ready yet?" I said, walking into the kitchen, looking around for our cook.

"Katelyn, we're going out tonight with Alex and Mae." Connor stated sternly, his eyes were melting though, I want to hug him, I really did. I stepped forward, and wrapped him in my arms, "Hey, Baby." He planted a kiss on the crown of my head.

"Hi." I cried, finally showing emotions toward someone other than my lost babies, I hugged him tighter than I ever have in my entire life.

"I missed you." I sulked back away from him, and walked to the foyer and sat one the bench that was there. "C'mon, we need to go." Connor said, placing my jacket around my shoulders.

"Mmmm." I managed to use that as a reply. He took my hand, but I shook it loose.

"Katey, why do you hate me so much?" Connor asked, opening the passenger door for me, I slide in.

"I don't hate you, it just I don't feel good, I'm not feeling good, it hurts."

"You think I don't hurt, that I don't wish the babies had lived, cause I do, except I've lost 3 people, you, I lost you and you don't even seem to care anymore. It hurts Katey, the one person I know hurts as much as me is shutting me out, Katey, don't do that to me, please? You're so mean, just blocking me out, every night when I say I love you, you grunt like it annoys the hell out of you, when I climb into bed beside you, you move over, the farthest you can get away from me. Think about me some, Katey, I'm not fighting, I'm saying, okay?" I froze, I completely stopped breathing.

"Fine, as long as you're just saying, okay?" I shot back, "Have you even thought about me? Have you?" I asked, just about as smart as he did.

"Katelyn, I'm not wanting to fight, I'm jut tired of you shutting me out completely, whatever you need to get better I'll support it."

"I want to do what I'm already doing, Connor." I said through my clinched jaw.

"Katelyn, you'll never get better doing what you've been. After the wedding me and you are going to do something extradionary, simply amazing."

"You might be, but I'm not." Connor pulled off to the side of the road, he turned and faced me.

"Katey, do you want to go home to your parents, do you?"

"I don't know!" I yelled, tears soaking my face, Connor instictivly reached to me and pulled into his lap. "No, I'm fine." I wailed.

"Katey, no you're not, shh. Don't cry, Baby." This time I didn't have any smart, sassy comeback I just let him hold me for the first time in three months. "I love you, you're fine."

"I love you too, but I'm not fine." I choked on the harshness of the tears, "I want my babies!" I managed to get out of my mouth.

"I want them too, Katey, I want them too." Connor said, hugging me closer and kissing my ear and temple.

"Can we try again, eventually, can we?" I begged, this thought had never crossed my mind in the three months since my last little baby.

"Of course, I'd love that, anytime you want." I snuggled closer to Connor, he smelled great, like peppermint and leather.

"Thank you." I said, hugging Connor, he kissed my lips.

"Are you better?"

"Somewhat." I said, wiping the almost dried tears off of my face. "Let's go and eat with Mae and Alex." I didn't want to have to climb off of his lap, but I did, partily because I was absolutely starving.

When we got there, Mae and Alex were already inside and seated at a table. It wasn't a big fancy resturant, it was small and quaint. "Katey!" Mae said, jumping up and grabbing me into a hug.

"Hey." I said quietly, but at least it wasn't leave me alone, or anything mean. I patted her back, I didn't want to hurt her. I know I had, but I didn't want too. She had followed me here. She had stuck by me through everything life had thrown at me. I couldn't hurt her. Not my Mae.