Athazagoraphobia

Chapter 6

Dean woke up a bit ago and found that everyone was in his and Cas's room. He'd asked where Sam was, but no one would tell where he was. Everyone was trying to get him to think and talk about other things, but he couldn't stop thinking about his brother. Where could he be?

Maybe twenty minutes after Dean woke up, Sam entered the room, and Dean froze when he saw his face. There was a distinct hand-shaped bruise forming on Sam's left cheek.

Dean got up to inspect his brother's cheek. "Sammy, what happened? Where have you been?"

Sam reached up and covered Dean's hand, which was over the bruise on his cheek. "I was in the kitchen, talking to John."

Dean froze. That couldn't be good. "W-what were you talking about?"

"About what he told you earlier. About what made you go into the biggest panic attack I've seen in years."

At that, Dean made to pull away, but Sam's grip on his hand tightened, holding him there. Sam moved their hands down, then let go and instead placed his hands on Dean's shoulders. "He told me everything. Nothing is going to happen to them; I'll make sure of it. We'll make sure of it."

Dean nodded to show he'd heard, but he was still frozen. Why? Why would Sam go and do that?

"Sammich, since I know that Dean-o won't tell us, what was it that John said?" Gabe inquired. He'd heard a bit when he went to intervene, but not enough to know what was going on.

Dean looked up at Sammy, but he just nodded; their version of it'll be ok.

"John told Dean that he had to kill you, Cas, Jack, and Rowena, or he'd do it himself."

The room was silent after that. No one knew how to react. Everyone understood at that moment why Dean had panicked the way he did.

"Damn." That was all Gabe thought to say.

"Yeah. We got into a pretty big fight after that."

"Y-you didn't have to do that, Sam," Dean tried to tell him, but Sam didn't listen.

"Yeah, I did. I knew there was no way you were going to tell us, and Cas and I were worried. You would lock yourself away and would've kept it quiet and let it eat you up inside like you always do. You would snap at us constantly, and John would probably be pestering you until finally, you broke and told us. This was the only way to get any info."

Dean stayed silent. He knew that everything Sam just said was 100% true. Still, it didn't mean he agreed with what Sam did.

"Look, I know that you disagree with it. You never liked John and me in a room together alone. Especially after this," Sam gestured to his cheek.

At the mention of the bruise, Dean cupped the marked cheek, then gave it a light pat. It stung a little, and Sam slugged him in the arm, which caused Dean to chuckle. He then went and sat back down on the bed while Sam leaned back against the door.

"I still can't believe John would do this. He's not the same man I fell in love with." Mary was still in shock. She was stoked her husband was home, she was, but now she wasn't so sure.

"Yeah, we did tell you. After you died, he changed. A lot," Sam stated.

"I see that now."

After a bit of silence, Jack asked, "what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, kid. There's not a lot we can do," Dean responded. He had no idea. His original plan was just to ignore John. Not that that would've gone over well with him. It probably would've only made things worse, as Sam said.

"Well, whatever we do end up doing, we should probably do it soon. I don't know John, but from what I've been told, he's not a very patient man," Rowena added.

"Why don't we all give Dean some space and we'll think of something tomorrow morning. It's getting kinda late," Sam noted, and everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone filed out of the room until it was only Cas and Dean left.

Dean was staring at the door, his mind worryingly blank. He didn't know what to think. He loved his family, he did, but John was also his dad. He knew that the only way to get John to stick around was to do what he wanted, but he couldn't just kill his family. Maybe if he-

"Are you seriously thinking about that?" Cas's voice broke through his thoughts. He forgot that Cas could read his thoughts. He didn't do it often, but he would sometimes do it if Dean was going through something mental and on the verge of a breakdown or just coming down from one.

"Tell me, were you seriously thinking about doing something for him? About doing something to us?"

Just the thought that Cas thought he might even think about hurting one of them mortified him. "No! No, of course not. I would never."

Cas crossed his arms and stared into Dean's eyes. "Then, pray tell, what were you thinking about? Cause I didn't like the pretenses."

Dean could feel panic start to rise through his body, but he had to calm himself down so he could explain to Cas. No point in getting all worked up. "I was trying to think of a plan w-where John and everyone else could co-exist."

"What, like one of us leaving? Newsflash that wouldn't change anything."

Dean didn't know what to do. He wanted his family and John to get along, but he knew there wasn't any way to do that. Since he was little, Dean had always been a people pleaser, especially when it came to his family. That's mostly the reason why his back was all torn up because he knew John needed to hit something, and he couldn't let it be Sammy. Plus, he knew that his Dad didn't care for him all that much, at least not compared to Sammy. So, it was technically a win-win. Not that anyone other than him and John would see it that way.

Though Cas could read minds, he preferred not to. So when Dean didn't answer, he didn't pry. He just threw up his arms and turned to leave. "I'm done."

Those two words sent Dean's thoughts into a spiral. H-he couldn't mean it, could he? He could feel he was edging on a panic attack, but he steeled his face. He couldn't show it, and he knew that Cas wouldn't be reading his thoughts. If Cas was mad but thought that Dean was nearing a panic attack, he would drop everything to help him, no matter how pissed off he was. Cas was angry, and he couldn't have Cas worrying about him. He was a big boy; he could take care of himself, Chuck dammit. Plus, Cas needed to be alone. That didn't help his thoughts or panic, however.

"W-wait! Where are you going?" Dean cursed himself for stuttering. He only did that when he was terrified, which only ever happened in the safety of the Bunker, and if he thought he might be losing someone, maybe not consciously, but subconsciously.

Thankfully, Cas didn't seem to hear the stutter; his pace didn't even falter. "Away. I'm leaving."

With those few words and the slamming of the door, Dean officially began his Athazagoraphobia-induced panic attack. Not that he knew that, of course.