isolation [matty healy]

pt. 6: fallout

waking up the next morning was easier than it had been a long time.

i felt rested, and i couldn't recall any dreams. how long has it been since i slept completely through the night? i thought as i opened my eyes all the way, and turned over in my bed. i could only see a silhouette of curly hair on top of a sleeping head, and hear the smallest snores, along with his slow breathing. i smiled. i wondered when he had gone to sleep, and how long he had played before falling asleep.

leaning forward, i muted myself, and stood up to stretch. my ankles cracked, and then i leaned down to touch my toes and stretch out my back. i should be doing this everyday.
glancing over at my phone again, i could see that matty was still sleeping. i didn't want to hang up the call, so i unplugged it from the charger, and headed to the bathroom.
after peeing, i started the shower, making sure that the phone's camera was pointing up at the ceiling and not at me or the mirrors.

while i showered i thought about what i wanted to do today. my room was still kind of a disaster, clothes and books were everywhere. a lot of books downstairs though, i reminded myself. after showering and getting ready for the day, next on the agenda would be to take apart the nest i created the night before.

matty was still snoring away after i had finished getting dressed, so i took the phone downstairs with me and looked up at the screen every now and again while i picked up, carrying all my blankets and books in my arms, and putting them away upstairs. once i was just about finished, and came back downstairs to my phone, he started to move around a little bit, and now i could see his face; every muscle in his face was relaxed. i couldn't help but admire him like this. but after another minute of looking at him, i started to wonder what it would be like to be next to him. my face started to get hot, and so i tore my eyes away.

i didn't know if i should try to wake him up, but i knew i didn't want to end the call. why don't you just hang up? i thought, making myself panic. he probably doesn't want to talk first thing in the morning. you're being a creep anyway-

"good morning, care," my head snapped toward my phone as i heard his groggy voice. "what have i missed?"

i smiled at him as i walked to my phone, unmuting myself. "good morning, matty. you haven't missed anything. i just took a shower and started cleaning up around my house. i'm actually about to make something for lunch now; didn't realize it's already after 11. how are you?"

"that sounds much more productive than my morning," he said while rubbing his face sleepily. "i'm feeling okay. i actually weirdly have a little bit of an appetite, i think."

my ears perked up at him saying this. "oh? shall i make something for you and send it over?"

"that's okay, i'm sure george will have something made up, or have some leftovers i can eat. will you be eating outside today?"

the inflection in his tone of voice after just waking up was so sweet and gentle that i felt like i could cry. it had been a long time since a guy spoke so kindly to me and it didn't go unnoticed.

"um, i probably will, since it's the only vitamin D i'm getting during the day anymore."

i heard him giggle. "i wanted to make a joke but it's in quite poor taste."

i gave him a look and said, "then vitamin don't," we both laughed.

after a few more minutes of chatting and encouraging him to get out of bed and into the shower, we said our goodbyes and promised to meet in the backyard for what we had now named "neighbor lunch".

it was weird how the time had slipped away so quickly while i was waiting for matty to wake up, but i was truly glad to have his company. i didn't know where this friendship was going, but i wasn't gonna let myself overthink it in the middle of the day. those were thoughts for late nights spent drowning in self-doubt and my own tears.