Just This Much

18: Pass

She wasn't given another chance to dwell more on what happened that night. The moment she came back in Seoul, she was bombarded with rehearsals and preparations, not only for the continuation of their world tour, but also for her upcoming work in China.

She can never forget the second her manager presented her schedule for the last quarter of the year. Hectic was not enough to describe it. She had to fly back and forth from South Korea to China, to Thailand (yet again), Indonesia, Japan and to Italy even—for the fashion week. The vacation with her family was indeed the calm before the storm.

And so, she spent a month learning a bit of Mandarin, planning for her next release on her own Youtube channel—where she uploads dance covers and random travel vlogs—and rehearsing for the concert in Japan. Typical life of Lilac Ayutthaya.

Time seemed to be twice faster as the days pass by. It only switched back to its normal pace when she laid down the bed in her hotel room, right after their Tokyo Dome concert. They are scheduled to go back back in Seoul early in the morning tomorrow, and they won't be having any activities until after the holidays—something she looks forward to.

The adrenaline rush she felt before and during the concert has already subsided, what was left is the desire to feel it again. Though very tired, she realized long ago that when you're passionate in what you do, all you need is a short break before wanting to do it again.

This particular moment became her ritual of sorts. Whenever she's alone in her room every post-concert or performance, she tends to stare up the ceiling for hours and begins self-reflecting. Many times she had life changing epiphanies, other times she'd realize little details in her life that she never noticed before. Tonight, she was thinking of something already quite obvious, yet she never dwelled on before. She realized how lucky she truly is.

Nothing in life can ever be perfect, even life itself, but hers is close to being one. It felt bizarre, overwhelming even, and she doesn't know if she has done something that could actually consider herself worthy of this almost-perfect life.

Can she really be considered as a good role model to these people who look up to her? Has she really done something which someone could be grateful to her for? If life's almost perfect for her, then what can she do to help at least one person to experience this, too?

She wants to be more... more of who she is now.

While she contemplates about these quite deep thoughts, her phone dinged thrice before it eventually rang. She thought it was Reiko at first—who will probably ask if she wants to order food with her—but once she checked the caller, her brows instantly furrowed;

This felt like déjà vu.

"Gun...?" After what happened before, she'd always feel doubtful whenever her childhood friend calls.

"Of course! Who else could it be?," the guy chuckled. The faint sounds of EDM music made Lilac sit up, quite curious.

"The awards show just finished, right? Where the heck are you?"

Oh yeah, has she mentioned? They actually held a concert the same day as the prominent Golden Asian Music Awards. At this point, she has no idea either Cres Ent. (their company) was just being vengeful of the organization—because apparently, they once disrespected one of their senior labelmates—or their management just doesn't care about awards shows at all, hence the complete ignorance towards it.

"The afterparty, where else?"

Her eyebrow raised, "GAMA never had an afterparty, Gun."

The guy chuckled, "this is the first!"