Just This Much

29: Date

Lilac didn't know how long she cried and why she was crying so much, all she knew is; having Kio with her made her cry harder. She never showed anyone how sad she had been about her unrequited feelings for Asher, it has always been just her, crying silently.

It was her fault anyway, she tends to deny how deep her infatuation had become—to other people and even herself. She bet even the members don't take her feelings for the guy that seriously, and she used to think the same as well.

"I'm sorry," she whispered before taking a step back. She gazed at the wet patch on Ki-Ryeong's coat and tried rubbing it off, as if it will just dry up that way.

"Stupid, that won't do anything," Kio held her hand and brought it down her side. "It's fine, you should take a seat."

Looking around, she found out that they're back in the veranda where they were earlier with their friends. This time though, Kio pulled her towards the deck where a lone wooden bench stood with only a dim lamp post illuminating the small area.

She took the seat just like he instructed, and he followed suit, sitting beside her. Only the sounds of the slow waves of the river beneath them, and the rustling of trees caused by the winter wind were heard for a long while. The comfortable silence made her look up the night sky. Because the firework show had long finished, the stars greeted her once again.

"He still loves her," she eventually decided to break the silence. Those four words were like an anticipated stab through her heart. Though she already expected it was coming, it doesn't mean it hurts less.

"I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"Come on, it's not your fault! Stop saying sorry," she chuckled a bit, facing him. She met Kio's disapproving stare and shook her head, "stop feeling sorry for me, I'm fine. I also didn't know why I cried so much, to be honest. I should've known this will happen."

"You were trying to confess to the boy you love, but suddenly his ex appeared out of nowhere and stole his attention. Of course, you'll cry."

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, "wow, thank you for reminding me." Her companion only shrugged. "I mean... you're probably right, this is more about my frustration of not being able to confess. I also deeply regret wasting my chance years ago. If only I had the courage and told him about my feelings sooner, then I could've been the girl he fell in love with. We should have been together by now."

"You know it doesn't go that way, right?" Ki-Ryeong looked up the starry sky, leaning back the bench. She did the same and made herself comfortable. "Even though you're the first to enter his life, if it's not meant to be then it won't happen. Say, you really did confess back then, but there are other things to consider as well—career, age, compatibility..."

"You're right," she sighed, closing her eyes, and just listened to the boy's soothing voice.

"For me, this is actually better. I meant... you telling him about you feelings at this age and with the current situation of your career. You said it yourself, you were immature and still insecure that time. Remember what you told me about loving myself? Well, let me say it back to you. It's better to love yourself first before loving another, so you won't ruin yourself in the process."

"Right..." she took a deep breath. "And you know what?"

"Hmm?"

"After I've cried everything out, it doesn't actually affect me that much anymore. Yes, it was painful seeing him still having feelings for his ex, but I'm more hurt with the fact that I might have looked so stupid standing there. If you didn't arrive and pull me away, I would have looked like a lost idiot while the two go all lovey dovey, not caring about the other person who's with them... ugh!"