Tony stark//one shots

Of living and dreaming

⚠️Derealization, I have never been diagnosed with derealization but I have experienced it a few times. I will be writing this from my experience which I recognize might not be entirely correct, as well as what I have experienced I will be adding some symptoms from research I have done. feel free to correct anything I might get wrong the last thing I want to do is disrespect anyone diagnosed with this disorder⚠️

———————————————————————————————
Just another day, like all others Tony woke from his nap. He had fallen asleep at the lab again, not that he minded because at least he could get to work right away. He pushed up from the table and stood on tired legs, three hours of sleep wasn't enough to refresh a sleep deprived body. But, like many other things he solved it with coffee. He reached his hand out to grab a mug when he realized something felt off, he stared at the mug he was about to grab for a moment before shaking it off. He watched as the dark liquid filled the mug and carried it over to the lab. The feeling he felt with the coffee had been a persistent one, "J? Is there something wrong with me?"

"Your vitals appear steady and you have no traces of wounds" The trust AI spoke, the unbodied voice only adding to his feeing. Oh well, he thought, turning back to the adjustments he was working on for Bucky's arm.

Setting one of his tools down he took a deep breath, inhaling long with his nose and exhaling quickly through his mouth.

"Sir?" Asked J.

"Yeah?" Tony asked slowly looking away from where he'd placed the tool.

"You didn't respond to me, you've been staring for the past five minutes" huh? That didn't seem right.

"What did you need J?"

"Mr Rogers asked me to inform you of a meeting in a few minutes, which means you are late sir"

"Shit thanks J" Tony shook his head again to get rid of the feeling, like a dream he thought. Finally able to pinpoint what felt off, it's like I'm asleep. Maybe he was, in his own mind at least, his body was very much awake and moving. His eyes looked all around, noticing a landscape that was familiar yet oddly alien. Putting his thoughts aside he stepped out the door, thankful that the meeting would be in his own tower. Frankly he didn't trust himself to fly the suit, despite autopilot being a very useful feature.

His rubber soled shoes padded down the hallway, the only noise in an otherwise silent building. At least in the area he was. He made it to the meeting room and saw the other avengers, Steve, Natasha, Bruce, Bucky, Clint, Sam and Thor. As well as Fury, " nice of you to join us Stark"

Tony just nodded, too off to respond, usually he would've made some witty remark but he was too busy trying to rack his brain and figure out how he felt.

The others of course, noticed his lack of expression and shared glances between them. Tony was never silent, ever.

Fury started the meeting by taking about the latest shield news and asking Thor how things were going off world.

"Stark are we boring you" Tony looked up slowly from where his gaze had lingered on the table. "What did I just say?" He furrowed his eyebrows and tried to figure out what was said last. Right, off world.

"You asked Thor about how things are off world" he said.

"That was almost twenty minutes ago Stark" Tony brought his hand up to rub at his eye as he tried to recall what had happened. His vision had started focusing solely on Fury's face and he found it hard to concentrate. This has to be a dream. The man just sighed and continued his conversation. Tony didn't notice Steve's confused face or Bucky's concerned staring.

Tony heard the clink of a glass hitting the table and took deep breaths in and out. The sound had jarred him, he didn't know why but it had caused his anxiety to spike. His fingers drummer against his leg and his foot bounced up and down.

"What about you Stark?" Fury asked, getting Tony's attention again.

"Um... what?" He asked.

"I asked you how the projects were going"

Oh right, "g-good I'm almost finished with the upgrades to Bucky's arm and the blueprints for the renovated research lab aboard the helicarrier have been processed" he answered, rubbing his eyes again as they refused to focus on anything other than fury's stare.

"Alright, we'll I had Coulson order pizza it'll be here in a few. I have to go" Fury turned and swiftly walked out of the room, Tony's gaze following him.

"Ok what's up with you Stark?" Clint asked leaning forward on his chair.

Tony simply gave him a confused expression, what was up with him, hell if he knew. "Clint's right Tony, you've been uncharacteristically non hyper verbal" Natasha stated.

"I- don't know" his voice trailed off as he stared at his hands, his hands not someone else's his hands, touching a very real table.

"Tony?" Asked Bucky's voice, softer than Tony thought it could be. He turned and looked at him, squinting his eyes and forcefully blinking. "Tony!" The man shouted shaking his shoulders.

Tony just looked up once again.

"You didn't move for like five minutes you wouldn't answer us" Bucky said concern clear across his features and face.

"I-I don't know what wrong I- am I still asleep?"

"Tony how do you feel right now?" That was Sam, as he moved around to pull a chair up in front of him and next to Bucky.

"I don't, I don't know" he tried to take a deep breath but it ended in a huff of air. A shaky breath followed as his second attempt at breathing.

"Do you feel asleep Tony?" Asked Sam, Tony simply nodded, "ok does everything around seem fake, or like you said a 'dream'?" Tony nodded again. "Alright I can't be one hundred percent sure but it sounds like anxiety based Derealization disorder, I've worked with several ear vets who acquired it because of the trauma from war. It went hand in hand with their PTSD. I have a friend who I refer the guys I talk with to and he works with derealization." Sam pulled out his phone and swiftly left the room, to talk with the friend he mentioned.

Tony closed his eyes tight and breathed in and out, his jaw tightened and his leg bounced. He barely even registered Bucky moving until he was pulled into strong arms. A hand was rubbed in soothing circles across his back. "You're going to be ok Tony, we're going to get you a therapist and everything will be fine. Oh Tony why didn't you tell us sooner" Bucky was mumbling with his head in the crook of Tony's neck. The hand that wasn't soothing his tense muscles was in his hair, pushing it up and soothing it down. A repetitive motion, enough to keep him slightly grounded.

"I didn't even know what what happening" He whispered shyly, uncomfortable at the thought of everyone's stares but when he opened his eyes he found they were grabbing pizza. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and curled tighter against Bucky.

He wasn't ok now, but maybe he could be.