Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Faye's review

Title: Broken Seams

Author: Poison_Rose2

Status: Completed

Focus: Everything

Title and Cover (5/5)

The title is a perfect representation of the themes explored in your story. It reflects Dani's mental state as well as the dark society she lives in. A great choice for your title!

The cover is simple but effective! The dark palette works well for the mood of your story And the layout is pleasing to the eye. You have chosen a clear font the stands out nicely from the background.

Description (3/5)

Your description had a good amount of information included, it was structured nicely – the way it was laid out on the page was pleasing to the eye.

I noticed a couple of writing errors in it that I would like to mention:

Spelling mistake – “fragraments" edit: “fragments"

Grammar mistake – “...it would be best to shattered and destroy...” 

Edit: “...it would be best to shatter and destroy...”

Grammar (2/5)

I noticed typing errors scattered throughout your story, I commented on some as I read, I hope you found this useful.

I would also like to mention some here too:

I noticed that your speech was not always punctuated properly. When writing speech and adding speech tags (e.g. she said, he said etc...) you should put a comma at the end of what's being said, then closing speech marks and the tag should be treated as part of the same sentence. 

Example: “It's fine, don't worry about it.” He said...

Edit: “It's fine, don't worry about it,” he said...

Speech tags should always be treated as part of the same sentence even when using question marks or exclamation marks for the speech also.

Example: “And you know that we can't refuse orders?” The man said...

Edited: “And you know that we can't refuse orders?” the man said...

There were times where you added in unnecessary words within some sentences that made them clumsy to read.

Example: “...the way how Adam rushed up to me before the everything faded to black.” – “how" and “the" (before “everything”) need to be taken out for this sentence to flow better.

I also noticed inconsistency within apostrophe use. You tended to forget to add them in when writing possessive phrases. 

Writing Style (3/5)

You have a very immersive writing style. You set the scene incredibly. The picture of the world outside of Dani's mum's house is bleak! Almost post-apocalyptic. I felt uncomfortable reading about the poor living conditions and the violence involved in such a world. It was chilling, but gripping! This shows great talent indeed.

I am not a fan of the chapter subtitles – where you declare the passing of time. I think it is unnecessary and doesn’t add anything to your story. Having the same thing essentially written twice doesn't work in my opinion – “A year later. 365 days later.” If you want this system in place picking just one would look less indecisive. Also (sorry for banging on a bit) it seemed as though you tied yourself in knots when keeping it up as it became less consistent ad your story went on. Example, “A few moments later. 4 seconds later.” – a “moment" is considerably longer than a “second" so these phrases don't fit together the same.