Quest Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

Faye's review

Title: Under Your Influence
Author: abusiveblueberries
Status: Ongoing
Reviewer: Fayesther

Title and Cover: (5/5)

The title is catchy and fun. It grabbed my attention - that's all you need for a great title!
What a fun cover! I love the animation that is used. There is a lot of small details that really make it funny and unique. Everything included is well placed and nothing gets lost. The font is bold and I love the writing on the dudes' t-shirts- what a cool addition. Brilliant!

Description: (4/5)

Your description is a nice length. I like a short description that gives you just enough information to explain the premise of the story and to intrigue potential readers. That is exactly what yours is.
That being said, I did find a confusing sentence in it.
“He's slapped with a babysitter” – your meaning is unclear here. Is it supposed to be that he's stuck with a babysitting job? The sentence written makes it seem like your main character got slapped and so did a babysitter – which I know is not what you mean.

Grammar (4/5)

Grammar as a whole is pretty good. I noticed typos here and there but they were few and far between. I tried to pinpoint them as I read. I hope you found this helpful.
There was a few clumsy sentences that I found:
1. “There are two ivory stairs, that lead up to the second floor” – I believe the word “staircases” would work better here. Just writing “stairs” makes it seem like you only need to climb two steps to the second floor.
2. “Joe stands to next to me, soothingly patting his back.” – you left an extra “to" in there and I believe the “me" should be “him".
3. “His eyes linger as me as I take...” – “as me" needs to be taken out. I am thinking you may have started writing one thing but changed your mind partway through.
In the scheme of things that is not a lot of grammatical errors to fix really. Good job.
Your dialogue was punctuated beautifully and the structure of your work was perfect. Everything was easy to follow and you handled every chapter with finesse.

Writing Style (4.5/5)

Your writing style is easy to follow and beautifully paced. I did not feel overwhelmed or underwhelmed within your story's progress.

The language you used is brilliantly balanced. Any mature language was not out of place; it fit in appropriately with the story and the characters showcased.
You use some great imagery to describe more complex feelings of your characters. You add it in subtly, making it flow seamlessly within the narrative.
The way you swapped POVs worked well. You managed to make distinct changes within your writing style to portray the different temperaments that your two main characters possess. I always knew who was talking and I would've done so even if you didn't label the chapters! (However, its good that you did).

You have a real talent in writing humour. I laughed out loud many times whilst reading! You include incredible moments of tongue and cheek; observations of everyday, mundane things that most people can relate to. Example: coffee shop baristas getting names wrong. I really enjoyed the descriptions written in Crash's point of view, the way he sees the world is unique and so funny; he borders on being a bit mean but there's an endearing, cheeky air that you can't stay mad at. I loved the unique comparisons you made here and there, they really added to the comedy in your story, for example, “vocalisation of a keyboard mash.”

I love the subtleties in your writing. You don't rush into anything, you tell your story in moments. Some happy, some sad, some cute, some mean. You built up a realistic, yet fun story.

I loved the way you handled Marc's personal issues. You handled them with tact and in such a simple, yet clever way. I understood in great depth what he was suffering through.
You are so good at portraying drunkenness in your writing! It's something I have never attempted but I know there is a fine line between under-doing it and over-doing it and you managed to walk that fine line masterfully.
My only nit-pick (I could only find one tiny issue) is that, I think, only Crash should ever call Jane, Jeanine it seems like a specific character trait that should not be shared. When other characters do so as well I think it takes something away from the running joke.

Characterisation (4.5/5)

I was emotionally invested in your characters from their very first introductions. You are incredible at portraying a character's personality! You do so in a fantastic balance of comedic moments and seriously, hard-hitting emotional events.

Crash is introduced as a narcissistic, untouchable celebrity and within each new chapter as the story progresses he is gradually pulled down to Earth and you see his character in a whole new way later on. He is a young man who is quite insecure, who fully depends on others around him. I found his character incredibly endearing. Marc is developed the opposite way, giving the story a fantastic contrast. He starts off as a young man who is a shivering wreck moving into a big city from a small town, but as the story progresses he becomes the more competent individual.

Crash is hilariously self-centred and a joy to read about! Things he had said and thought actually made me laugh out loud! I could also feel Jane's frustration in the first chapter. The way that you described her physically, through Crash's eyes, was really funny and well done. Crash's character is written consistently. Remembering small details within his personality is a really good tool to build a clear picture of what makes someone who they are. E.g. how Crash hates the way Jane dresses and how he always calls her Jeanine. I love that he is just as flawed as Marc, however in very different ways. He is a celebrity but he's still human!

Marc! What an actual babe! He is written in such a relatable way. His nervous energy was contagious and my heart went out to him. It was a great idea to make his character a complete contrast to Crash's. When I first met him in Chapter two I could not wait to see the two of them interact.
Crash's mum is the best! She brings out a caring side to Crash and is so funny. I love how she was not worried at all about embarrassing her son.

All of your characters are interesting in their own right! You left nobody out and you clearly thought them all through in great detail!
There is just one little niggle; I think there is a point in the earlier chapters where there seems to be something missing within Marc's character progression. He goes from quite timid to very confident without much of a transition. It would've been nice to have seen how he pulled himself together before going to meet Crash after just getting the job. Did Jane say something to him? Did he have a revelation of some kind? It doesn't have to be a long journey but having a bit of information to showcase this would really benefit his character I think.

Plot (5/5)

You kick-start your story incredibly with a hilarious interaction between Crash and his producer! I laughed out loud through out your first chapter and I couldn't wait to keep reading! Introducing Marc in the next chapter was a nice idea it very clearly showed how different these two guys were and really helped me get on board with your story's premise.
Situations you put Crash and Marc in effectively brought out different areas of their personalities. Crash does have a heart and Marc does have a tough side. These situations were also written in an exciting way and you never leave your reader behind!
I loved that you included scenes from the film Crash stars in- the story within a story aspect was really cool. Writing the audition in Marc's POV rather than Crash's was a clever idea. It made it feel like I was watching Crash act, in the audience, alongside Marc. Also, showing what the scene looks like from an outsider perspective first, then unpacking the emotions later on, was such a good way to communicate such an emotionally complex part of your story.

Marc's and Crash's relationship is authentically written. They don't get along perfectly to begin with and get closer in a very organic, believable way.
This story covers a number of issues very effectively. You handle big personal problems beautifully. Nothing is too obvious or predictable. There is a humility within your writing that drew me in, I felt I was there standing with your characters as they went through quite tough times.
Flashbacks were effortlessly woven in. They added so much depth to your story and did not confuse the linear story at all!
Your plot was unique and so much fun I couldn't stop scrolling!

Overall (27/30)

This is an incredibly hilarious story, that truly impressed me. Your characters leapt off the page and I genuinely feel emotionally invested in both Crash and Marc! You are such a talented writer and your story was so much fun to read! I only managed to spot a few errors so it will take hardly any time to polish it!
Thank you so much for asking me to review your AMAZING story! I hope you found my feedback helpful.