Their Treasure

8. Ashen Day

All this time, I stayed for her. I wanted to change the fate of both of us, strive to be a rich and successful person with enough money to pay her debts and live in a big mansion with her. Just the two of us.

If I had a lot of money, she wouldn't need to borrow money here and there anymore, no need to work until late at night or not coming home at all anymore. She will stop leaving me alone. She won't be yelled at by debt collectors anymore. She won't be beaten anymore. She won't have to be a slave anymore. She won't have to suffer anymore.

I believed that everything I have been going through will pay off if that wish came true. That's why I'm fighting so hard to achieve it. All the awards, good grades, trophies, and other achievements that I have obtained, I earned all of them with great effort. They said it can help me to change my fate in the future. But then this happened. What's the purpose of all of that now?

This is not the first time I experienced loss. This is not the first time my wishes and hopes are taken away. I should have learned from what has happened before, that I must know my place. I shouldn't have big dreams. My desires are too high. Just a figment of a twelve-years-old kid whose father doesn't even want to acknowledge.

Maybe because my existence was a mistake, that's why all the ugliness that occurred in life is a punishment for me. I shouldn't be here. If I didn't exist, maybe she would be still alive.

So, what's the point of keep going?

Her body was buried this morning, I couldn't afford to go to her funeral. The police said that she committed suicide, even though they had confiscated a gun at my house whose owner was unknown. Yet, they still insisted and said there was no wound on Mama's body. In conclusion, it was pure suicide.

Whatever police reported will not improve the circumstances, only to make it worse. If she died not from suicide, would that make it sound better? Would it bring her back to life? No. To hell with their report.

Mel helped me to pack my clothes to stay at her house. I didn't forget to bring some of the contents of the cardboard box that I kept in the cupboard. Namely, the pendant necklace, as well as some photos that immortalize my togetherness with mama, Mel, and Cal.

I don't have my phone anymore. That object, along with other things, became victims of my explosion yesterday which was live witnessed by Mel. Since that tragedy, all the negative thoughts that I thought I had succeeded in burying them deeply, reappeared. I thought I passed this phase successfully when he was still around. But he's been gone for a long time. And now Mama too. The difference is, I can no longer meet her.

She said she loved me, then why did she leave? Why didn't she take me too? I would be more than glad. I want to go after her, this place isn't good. I want to go to a place where there is no more misery, it's where she is. That place must be such a wonderland because mama resides there now.

I glanced at my right wrist which was bandaged and covered with long sleeve. If only Melisha wasn't there when I did that yesterday, I wouldn't feel pain anymore now. Strangely, she didn't agree with me even though she must have known this was for my own good. Now the phone carcass is at home, it has been restarted many times but it still won't turn on.

I haven't slept for a second since that incident. Every time I close my eyes, I always return to that night. The night when my only light was taken by force, caused the world to be completely dark. I clearly remember my mother's face, which was pale with no life at all in her eyes. The neck caught in the rope, her legs that floated—

A hand touched my back who was lying on Mel's bed. I almost jumped out of bed and my heart almost fell off because of it. I turned and saw Mel standing beside the bed.