Shits and Giggles

Hold Up

Song: Hold up by Beyoncé

TONI POV:

I stand up and go to the podium. "I'm Toni, and ahh... I probably shouldn't be here but there isn't any Al-anon meetings at this time, I've also never really had a problem with alcohol but the way alcoholism runs in my family I'm horrified of becoming the father mine was to me. He was a good father but he wasn't there for me when I ahh... I needed him most. My grades were at there worst and football wasn't working out for me. And instead of helping me through that ahh... that time in- in my life, father was off getting drunk for the first time in 7 years." I explain. "I don't know, I shouldn't be here, I just needed somewhere to go where people would understand kinda what I'm going through at the moment. I just- I don't know what to do anymore, I've been bottling up everything for about 26 years." I say to everyone. "Again I shouldn't be here but I don't know where else to go at the moment."

I walk out of the AA meeting. "You were in the army?" I look over and see Archie. "What are you doing here?" I ask quietly. "I have a thing here, with some kids. That sounded creepy but it's not." I nod. "I sometimes go and see what's going on with people in AA to waste time." I nod again. "You were in the army?" He ask. "Yeah, I needed some direction and I wasn't getting anywhere with school or life. What does that have to do with anything I talked about?"
I ask quietly. "You didn't walk with the class and your name wasn't called so I just assumed you didn't graduate." He explains. "I didn't, I faked a bunch of shit and pretended like I graduated." I say to him. "I get it." He whispers. "I'm sorry about your dad." I take a deep breath. "Which part?" I ask quietly. "What do you mean?" He ask confused. "Your father not being there when you needed him most, I get it." I nod. "Your father was actually a good person. He died trying to protect someone. My father got drunk and thought it would be ok to get behind the wheel and drive into an 18 wheeler." I explain. "Your father was a good man and was there for you when you needed it. My father wasn't so I think you should shut up and be fucking happy for once." I say pissed. I look down. "I'm sorry. My feelings are catching up with me. I'm- I'm sorry." I apologize. He nods. "You're right." He whispers. "Me and Reggie are gonna be hanging out tomorrow at Pop's if you want to join." I shake my head. "I have a baby to take care of." I say quietly. "Also stop trying to get into V's pants, she's with Betty now. If I can give it up you can too." I say walking away. I go to my truck and go home. I walk into the apartment. "You ok?" Cheryl ask quietly. "I just want to go to bed right now." I whisper.

CHERYL POV:

I walk into the bedroom. "Toni, you need to get out of bed." I whisper. "I'm tired." He whispers. I sit on the bed. "Talk to me." I say quietly. "Just leave me alone." He says shifting to the other side. "Toni-." He stops me. "Please." He whispers. "You know I can't." I whisper holding back tears. "Can you just lay with me then?" He ask quietly. I nod and lie down next to him, he rolls over and faces me. "You're not yourself." I whisper. He nods. "I think everything that happened with my father is finally hitting me." I nod. "I'm sorry." I whisper. He shakes his head. "It's fine, I just need time."

"Is Toni ok?" Sarah ask quietly. "Yeah, he's just trying to figure some stuff out." I whisper. "Everything with dad?" I nod. "He was fine before this." She whispers. "Yeah, it's called grief." I say quietly. "I guess you didn't tell him?" I nod. "He doesn't need to know about his mom right now." She nods. "It's not like she's dead." She whispers. "Yeah, but still. No one needs to know that their mother tried to kill herself when you're going through a bit of a mental breakdown at the moment." I say quietly. "You ok?" I ask quietly. "Not really really." She answers. "I'm still trying to rap my head around a lot right now. It's hard to when more and more shit keeps getting thrown at you." She whispers. I look at her confused. "I don't really want to talk about it at the moment." She says before walking to her room. Nate starts crying and I get him.

Toni finally got out of bed this morning. It was getting out of bed or going to the hospital with a bladder infection. He sits down in front of me. "There's a whole couch for you to sit on." He looks at me. "I think I have lice." He says. I sigh and sit up. He hands me the comb. "You know sometimes I feel like I'm taking care of a toddler with you." He smiles a little. "I'm sorry about that." He says. "It's fine, you keep me on my feet." I start looking through his hair. "How would you have gotten lice?" I ask. "I think one of Sarah's blanket didn't get fully washed out." He whispers. "They shouldn't be able to survive that long. It's been a few weeks. They don't live more than 24 hours." I explain. "Well, it might not even be lice so. There's that." He says quietly. I look more through his hair. "Maybe if you watched your hair more often, you wouldn't think you had lice." He sighs. "Do you want me to wash your hair? Nate is asleep and Sarah is at her friends house." He smiles a little. "Shower or sink?" I ask quietly. "Will you join me in the shower?" He ask quietly. "Do you want me to?" I ask. "It would be nice." He says quietly. "Than yeah." We get up and take a shower.