ICARUS - Hawks x Reader

SEVENTY: Hope(less)

The sigh that Endeavor released was like a frosty gale to me, chilling me to the absolute core.
"I know it will take some time to sink in...Even the greatest of us, the strongest, cannot cheat fate. He truly was one of the greatest." The way he spoke, in past tense, was like a savage beating.

You don't know anything...How can you..?

"D..don't be so negative...You know him...I..I know him...He's alive. S..see this..?!" I sat up rather abruptly, pulling the feather from my chest to shove in his face. "This is how I know! It's been moving! That means he's still alive..!" Tears began to stream down my face, and Endeavor edged closer, carefully reaching out to lower my hand.

"I wish I could agree with you...but I can't. Not this time, (Y/N)..." Beneath his gentle touch, I crumbled. The tears burst forth, and I very nearly ripped the cannula from my arm as I lurched forward and buried my face in his broad, bandaged chest.

"H..he has to be! He has to! He isn't d..dead, Enji! He isn't! It's him! It moved, s..so he has to be..!" My nails curled tight into his shirt, and the man wrapped his arms around me, the warmth no match for the cold feeling of dread. "I c..can't do this without him..! He..he knows that..! He's alive, dammit! He's fucking alive..!"

Mindfully, Endeavor moved, with me still attached, to sit on the edge of the bed, the dip of his weight causing the frame to squeal in complaint.
"I am here to help you through it. My family, my colleagues...You have your brother, your friends and coworkers...We are all here to help you..." He tried to console me, but it was hopeless.

Barely able to breathe, and the bleeping sounds growing louder and faster, I pulled back, still clutching to his skin and the feather as though I'd slip away to oblivion if I released.
"Th..that isn't it, Enji! I..it isn't true..! He can't be dead..! He cant be, because h..he was fucking right..!" I sobbed, my throat trying to squeeze itself shut, wanting to stop the words that were about to spill out. "H..he can't leave his baby w..without a father..!"

Cerulean eyes widening, Endeavor quickly pulled me back into his arms, his entire form covering me almost completely.
"Dear, darling girl..." He whispered, trying to ease me away from the dangerous borders of a panic attack as best he could. "...You are not alone. We're all here for you. The both of you. You have my word, not only as a hero, but as a friend..."

Never before had I felt so close to death, even though there was nothing physically wrong with me. The only reason I was still in the hospital was to keep a close eye on the baby. Barely four months along. Considering my last pregnancy, along with the trauma I had gone through, both mentally and physically, I was high risk.

Even with you...even with everyone else...I can't do it without him...I won't...because he's still alive...I know it...

Eventually, after an age of tears, screaming and unintelligible sobs, a nurse came in to assess the situation, tinkering with my monitor and IV bag.
"I apologise, Endeavor, Sir, but I think Ms. (L/N) needs to get some rest." She announced politely, looking a little uncomfortable breaking into our privacy.

"It's T..Takami...Not (L/N)...Takami..." I shot back, not caring how aggressive I sounded. Enji sighed, squeezing me tighter for a moment before pulling back and tucking a strand of my knotted (H/C) hair behind my ear.
"I shall return tomorrow. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me directly, you hear me, girl? The same goes for Fuyumi and Natsuo. You need us, and we will be right here."

Nodding, unable to respond with words, I hiccuped as he placed a tender, somewhat fathery kiss to my forehead, finally standing up and taking his leave. I knew I should have told him what I had learned, but I just couldn't. At that point, even thinking about who his eldest turned out to be made me want to die. It had to wait.

The nurse's voice faded away as she attempted to speak to me, and I just turned on my side and faced the window, blurry eyes just in time to catch the first splatters of rain on the glass.

All limits are self imposed...

This had to be my limit. The pain of not knowing was too much, but at the same time, it was the hell of knowing, but having nobody believe me. I wasn't delusional. I had seen, and felt, plain as day, the feather twitch and shudder. That was all the proof I needed.

My panic began to ease away, and it wouldn't have surprised me if the nurse had snuck something into my IV drip. It could have been from lack of sleep, but that was less likely. I had barely slept since my last night with Hawks. I was running on nothing but fear and hope at this point.

I know you're out there...You're alive...You promised me...In and out...

Before leaving, the nurse cracked the window ever so slightly, making sure the rain wouldn't drizzle into the room. The sound of it falling was like sharp static, but I still continued slipping into an unconscious state, clutching my one hope against my heart.

Before I disappeared completely, I could feel the rush of cool air from the window crack, breezing over me and lulling me into a safer place of mind. Upon my chest, at the very same time...

...the feather twitched and shuddered...

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***Next Time: Your Everything***