Elements - cash fan fiction -

Nightcall

He stares at the wall clenching his hands.

"I... I can't do this Nash. I'm sorry. I thought I could..." he trails off and our eyes meet for a second before he turns and rushes out of the room. Moments later I hear the front door slam shut. I blink back tears and I'm so confused at what just happened. He was turned on, I could feel it, I could see it. What made him stop all of a sudden?

I get up from his bed and make my way to my room. I strip down to my boxers and crawl into bed, burying my face in my pillow. I can't believe he just fucking walked out on me again. It just feels like every time we move forward in our relationship he freaks out and it's like we start all over again.

I'm getting tired of the constant struggle. My mind drifts back to when he asked me not to give up on him. I groan in frustration at the position he's put me in. I pull out my phone and quickly click on his contact, I put the phone to my ear as it rings.

He better pick up, he promised to never ignore me again. My heart drops as it continues to ring. Fuck, he's going to ignore me. I can't fight back the tears this time, I feel like such a little bitch because I'm crying over some boy.

The ringing stops but it doesn't go to voice mail. It's silent on the other end. He picked up at the very last second, but hasn't said anything.

"Cam..." I say thickly, my voice changed by the tears.

"Fuck..." I hear him mutter. "I'm such a fucking asshole, Nash. Why do you even want me?"

"Because I love you... faults and everything." I tell him, my voice wavering slightly.

He's quiet on the other end. I need him to come back, I need to see him when we talk. I can't know what he's feeling or thinking through this stupid phone.

"Please come back, Cam." I plead pathetically. He remains quiet and I wait for a few minutes for any kind of response from him before I give up and end the call. I basically begged him to come back and he didn't even react at all.

Maybe this isn't meant to be, maybe he just felt bad for me and as my best friend wanted to see me happy even if he wasn't actually attracted to me. I struggle with the situation in my head. He can't fake his arousal, or the look in his eyes when we kiss, he's definitely attracted to me. But what is holding him back? Is it just because I'm a boy? And everything feels different? I'm not soft like girls are, my kisses are rougher, I'm stronger.

I angrily wipe the tears for my eyes and think about how many chances I've given Cameron. How many times I've forgiven him after he treats me like shit. I keep going back to him and it's like he has some magical control over me. I want to forgive him, I want to please him, I want him to be happy with me.

I'm such a pathetic excuse for a human being. It's no wonder that Cameron doesn't want me.

I pull the covers over my whole body and hide from the world, I feel like absolute crap right now. I just want to sleep.

It's still dark outside when I'm jolted awake. There was a thud and I uncover myself and turn on the lamp next to my bed. Cameron is hopping on one foot and holding his other one. I feel a rush of happiness when I see him which is immediately followed by anger because he ran out on me and didn't come back when I asked him.

I lie back down on my bed and pull the covers over my head. I can hear Cameron hopping over to me, and the bed sinks as Cam lies down next to him. I have my back turned and I squeeze my eyes shut. I know if I look at him I'll give in and he'll just think that he can do that to me all the time.

I need to make boundaries.

"Nash... don't be like that baby," he tells me softly and he pulls on my sheets. I tighten my grip and don't say anything to him.