Steel Rose

Chapter 69

Ptolemus Pov

You once told me that it was a good idea, a good way to relieve stress was to write it all down. You told me this a while ago, before you left. And all I had replied to you at the time was that it was only a paper trail. A weakness left out in the open for everyone to see and to take advantage of. But I guess now, what I think doesn't really matter. I am weak when it comes to any word that left your lips. And I was a fool for dismissing you then. When you were only trying to help.

We're alive. Made it out of that harbor, walking a thin line, yes, but still breathing nonetheless. I can recall the taste of the salt on my lips, feel the waves under my boots, and the dread filling my stomach. I can recall watching my sister. Drawing strength from her, drawing strength from her confidence. I can still see the blue and white of the water, and the way it felt as it pushed me underneath into its void, and the creeping darkness as it lured me to death. I was not afraid however. No, it did not fear my own demise. Seeing Evangeline fall with me spurred me into action. Her death is not something I can take.

The dread that filled me then, I admit was not due to fear for my own safety. Not as I stepped into the boat, not as we rode to Harbor Bay, not even as we were cast into the water by Iris Cygnet. The fear only came when I saw your face, the last time I laid eyes on you, in the darkness of the underwater. It was like I was seeing you again in real life. In person. And everything about you was the same. The shine in your hair, the glimmer in your eyes, the smooth tan of your skin. The confident smile that you sent me as you boarded the jet. And like then, you disappeared. You left me. And I knew then, that if I had died then, I would have left you.

I know you may not believe it, Isabelle. But I am still with you. I can only hope that the same can be said for you. This may make no sense at all, but I feel as if I am missing a piece of myself. Not just you, but something entirely different. Or maybe I'm just losing my mind.

I set my pen down, and fall back into my chair as I stare at the parchment scribbled with my writing. I ignore the snugged ink here and there due to my rush to get my thoughts out. With a sigh, I run my fingers over the words, noting the indentations before I neatly fold up the letter in three.

Quickly, I tear the paper in two. Then four. And so on. I keep tearing, before I toss the remains into the trash. The last thing I need is for anyone to find those words of mine.

I sometimes find myself wishing my drive to see her again would have drowned along with so many others in Harbor Bay. My life would be so much easier without it. How can I miss something that I never had? Maybe my purpose is to be with Wren. Its all your fault I'm no longer more like my parents. Cold and unattached. Going through the motions, with one true goal in mind.

Proving myself right, an image of her face flashes across my eyes. If she knew what I was thinking, it would send her into a frenzy of tears. I would have hurt her again. I recall the first time I saw her cry. I remember feeling awkward and out of place. But I couldn't force myself to leave. Her pain became my own, and all I wanted to do was see her smile at me.

I shake my head at myself as I hear the door leading to my bedroom open. I already know who it is. She likes to stick to a schedule. She concludes her shift at the training arena, grabs her lunch, and then comes to me. It somewhat bothers me that I know that. She smiles at me, as she pulls off the red and silver jacket, revealing smooth midnight arms.

"Have you eaten?" she asks me as she nears me, her long black braid swinging behind her. She runs her nimble fingers through my hair as she sits in my lap. "I could call for some food for you." She pulled her braid over her shoulder and began to unbraid it. "What would you-,"

I'm pressing her mouth to mine before she can finish. I'm not gentle or patient as I do it. Even I know this won't end well. That I shouldn't be doing this to her. Giving her false hope. But I'm selfish right now and I need this release too much. After a stunned pause, Wren kisses me back, forgetting her hair. But, despite the intensity of the moment, all I can think about is my hazel eyed lover.