When Angels Fly

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒

My only regret is that I repressed it for so long. I surrender my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don't make that mistake yourself. Life's too short.

-Armistead Maupin

The cool blue sky irradiated Jaromir Aaren's room. The lucent light gave a soft winter scenery through his clear windows. Jaromir laid on his bed. Covered in wrinkleless gray and white blankets, he indulged in the world of the tragedy of Macbeth by William Shakespeare.

Lady Macbeth Scene VII

"That made you break this enterprise to me?

When you durst do it then you were a man;

And, to be more than what you were, you would

Be so much more the man..."

In that moment Lady Macbeth question Macbeth's pride of a man. What makes you a man? Killing? Hunting? Or maybe is Infidelity? I'm not completely sure of the answer either but I don't think I need to understand the answer. Because for me a man is someone who does sports, dates girls, watches football games, talks about sports cars, doesn't cry in sad movies, hates being told what to do, establishes dominance everything that your naturally born with as a boy. Your never tough to be sensitive. But that's just nature that's just what the man was created for. But as a kid that wasn't me.

In my childhood I played mostly with girls because my house was always filled with girls, my mom and my sisters. My dad had dies before I was born so I didn't have a father figure, but I didn't yearn for one either. My mom and my sisters were my best friend. In kindergarten I was more comfortable siting with the girls. My mom taught me being sensitive was ok and crying was just another way of letting go of pain and emotions. I would cry in sad movies, I would cook, dance, sing and read. As time went on, I learned things about myself like the fact that in 3rd grade I fell in love with the boy who sat next to me in English class. He was small much smaller than me and fragile. His jade eyes were mesmerizing and the way the sun flickered its golden rays against his colorless platinum blonde hair almost as a DaVinci painting. All his bright feature gave color to his pale apricot skin.

He always smiled and was always polite. He was my first and ever love.

At the time I didn't know what it meant to feel the way I did but the way I felt appeared to be safe for me. I never told my mom and at a point I almost did. I was my happiest, I felt myself so when did I start feeling depleted.

After my dad's death my mom never felt the urge to date that was until my 9th birthday that she met a man named Alastair, that soon became her husband.

Alastair and my mom were happy and in love. We became a happy family that was until my mom and Alastair became religious. Are first day at church was one I'd never forgot.

I sat in the first row I hadn't notice but the boy that I had grown to love more and more sat on the 3rd row he seemed sad and lost. He was next to his father who seemed to have been crying for days. My attention had gone back to the pulp until the pulp started taking about Adam and Eve and how the woman was created to be loved by the man solemnly for that reason and how it was a sin for a man to be loved by another man or a women be loved by another woman. In that moment it the fantasy that I had created for myself was soon shattered into broken glass.

The love I had prospered for that boy was now an extortion of reality. In the eyes of others, it was a sin.

For the first time in my life I felt as if I was no longer safe. The warmth of the sun was turned into a blazered. The flower that had sprouted in my hear for another boy had to be cut down.