Malicious

exposed

here's zach :) also there's a sexual/physical abuse trigger warning in this :(  SUPER. BIG. TRIGGER. WARNING.

   The ride home was eerily quiet, and I couldn't seem to calm my nerves. My dad was gripping the steering wheel so tightly I thought he would break it.

Finally, it was him who broke the silence. "I thought we talked about this, Zachariah. You need to save your body for someone who loves you, and it won't ever be a man. It's not possible." I tried my hardest to tune him out, but it was so hard. "But I know you. You don't have the guts to sleep with anyone so I'm not worried about that." I wanted to say something, but I kept my mouth shut while he ranted on and on.

Once he pulled up into our driveway, I got out of the car mid rant. As soon as I stepped on the porch, I felt a hard tug on my hair and a sharp pain. I cried out. Dad had his fingers wrapped in my hair, and I felt nervous.

"How dare you leave while I'm talking to you." I could see the vein popping out on his head as he dragged me into the house. Once inside, he shoved me against the wall roughly. "Listen to your goddamn dad when he's talking to you, faggot." Thats when I felt the tears prick my eyes. And of course when he noticed this, he lost it. "Oh grow a fucking pair, Zachariah. I didn't raise a cock biter." I was shaking then. How could he talk to me like that?

Something in me that had changed since being with Mal snapped. "I get to sleep with whoever I want to. It's not up to you. I'm moving out soon anyway." I felt so bold until I felt his hand around my throat. I tried to yank away from him, but his grip was too strong.

   "You didn't. Tell me you didn't waste your precious innocence on him." Even if I wanted to answer him, I couldn't. All I could do was feel uncomfortable as he restricted my breathing. His grip tightened so hard I couldn't breathe at all. Fear washed over me as he got closer to my face. I wanted to pull away, but he was just too strong. "I can't believe you, Zach. I thought you were smarter than that. I hate that I have to teach you this lesson just to show you that he doesn't love you." I remember him raising his fist and a sharp pain in my jaw. That's when everything went black.

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I woke up at night with a sharp pain in my head. My first instinct was to call Mal, but my phone wasn't in my pocket anymore. When I stood up, I felt dizzy. But I pushed through it. I needed Malachi. I was so scared, and I just needed him.

   I went to my mirror to look at myself. I decided to throw on a jacket to cover up the bruises my dad had left on my neck, but it did nothing to hide my face. The busted lip, black eye, and bruise on my jaw remained highly visible. But I didn't care. The only thing I could focus on was getting away from my dad. So I didn't think twice about packing my shit and heading towards the living room.

But something stopped me from opening the front door when I tiptoed to it. There was a fast shuffling behind me, and I heard.. Moaning? I quickly turned around as quietly as I could, and to my horror I saw my dad with my phone. He was sitting on the couch with a video of two men having sex pulled up on it. I nearly dropped my bag when I heard Malachi's voice coming from the device. My eyes widened as I realized the two men were my boyfriend and me. I also noticed my dad's arm was moving under the sheets he was covered up with, and I suddenly felt sick.

Immediately, I turned around and went back to my room. I started shaking as I decided to climb out my window and head to the skatepark. It was right in the middle of Mal's house and mine. I figured I could bum a ride on someone's board and then walk to Malachi's when it got a little lighter outside.

When I got there, the only thing that ruined my plan was seeing two men with long wavy hair skating up and down the ramps. A smile appeared on my face, and relief washed over my body.

"Mal!" I called out, causing him and Kasey Kelley to turn my way. Immediately, my boyfriend stopped skating.

"Zach?" He got off his board and quickly walked over to me. He was smiling too until he was close enough to see my injuries. That was when he stopped. "What the fuck.." He reached out and gently touched my neck. "Who touched you." His voice intimidated me. When I didn't answer, his voice raised. "Who the fuck touched you, Zach." That was when Kase came over to us.

"Everything ok- Woah. Dude, what happened to you?" Suddenly I felt so awkward and uncomfortable. Like a million people had their attention on me.

Finally, I answered. "Dad doesn't want me to see you anymore.." Mal's eye twitched.

"You won't listen to him." His voice was soft. Scared almost. It was a tone he'd never used with me before. "I won't let you. He won't fucking take you away from me." That's when I noticed his pupils were as small as a pinhead, and a white powder was visible in one nostril.

   "Mal.. What did you take?" He just shrugged in response and turned to Kelley, who I knew would lie for him too. And to no shock, he just shrugged with him.

   I suddenly felt angry. I didn't know why either, I was just mad. I couldn't tell Mal about what my father had done, because who knew how he'd react like this? I couldn't bring myself to call him out on his lie, so I just began walking away from him to one of the ramps. I heard him following me, but neither of us said anything.

I ended up sitting on the bottom of the ramp, and Malachi sat next to me. "Coke." He finally said.

I looked at him, "That's all?" He nodded in response and I suddenly felt less angry. It wasn't his fault, and he didn't do anything.

"Zach, what happened? You have to tell me. You can't just show up looking like you got jumped and then say nothing."

I opened my mouth to answer him, but nothing came out. The only thing that worked were my tear ducts as my eyes welled up, and my stomach as I suddenly felt sick. I stood up quickly, and Mal followed. He just looked confused as I turned away to throw up. It was just water and stomach acid thanks to the drugs and lack of food, but I couldn't stop retching. I had my hands on my knees, just gagging in the middle of the ramp.

I felt Malachi's hands wrap around my throat gently for a second, and then he moved them around my hair to pull it away from my mouth. We stood like this for a good 5 minutes, but Mal never let go of my hair and rubbing my back.

When I was done, I just started sobbing. That was when Mal let go of my hair and grabbed my wrists. He pulled my hands off my knees and wrapped my arms around his body, then his around mine.

I held onto him so tightly while I sobbed and sobbed. I felt like he was the only thing keeping me safe. The only person that loved me. He didn't push me anymore to talk to him about it; just took me to our hotel that night to stay after dropping Kelley off. I knew Dad wouldn't find us there, and I felt like Mal and I were the only ones alive for that night. I didn't want to see anyone else, and neither did he. In the back of our minds, we knew we didn't have much longer together. And I knew in the back of my mind I couldn't do anything to speed up the process of losing him. Even if that meant holding in what my dad had done.

AHHH ITS FINALLY FINISHED
i'm sorry i haven't been writing much. as most of you know, I lost my dad in april. my sister passed away a week ago. and i've just seen it coming, and haven't been doing well. but i promise i'll be writing more now