I Don't Want To Be In Love

Can't Tell

Ming couldn't look Yo in the eyes today. It was as if he was afraid Yo would read the shame and confusion in his best friend's gaze. The guilt was eating Ming alive.

Only a month ago, he and Kit had ended their suffocating relationship, starting out with the usual screaming match before finally agreeing it wasn't going to work no matter what they did to fix it. They'd made love one last time, then ended it.

Now, Ming was suffering through dreams each night. They had started only a week ago, when Ming had turned and somehow managed to look a Yo when the smaller guy was standing where the sun's rays were hitting. Yo had looked...so angelic, so pure. Beautiful, even. Ming had been awestruck. How had he never noticed this side of Yo before?? To his horror, his heart had skipped a beat. He walked away, leaving Yo to scramble after him, whining about being left behind.

And if that wasn't bad enough, Pha had "crashed" their little dinner. When they were exiting the sushi restaurant, a group of girls were trotting through the door and one accidentally shoulder-checked Ming, causing him to trip over his own feet and nearly fall. Pha had easily caught him, setting him upright before checking him over to make sure he was okay before escorting both Ming and Yo outside, an arm around Yo's waist and his other arm draped over Ming's shoulders so neither would fall.

Ming's heart had betrayed him then as well. It beat against his ribcage so hard, he was certain it was going to burst free any moment. He had to turn his face away to hide the small flush creeping through his cheeks.

That was the first night he'd dreamed. He couldn't recall everything, but he remembered the heat, the want, two sets of lips that were setting his whole body on fire. Two sets of hands holding him down, two pairs of eyes staring at him hungrily, two bodies as naked as his own. He woke up when one started to ride him, shaking with confusion and half hard to his horror.

Last night's dream had been so graphic... Ming remembered making sweet love to none other than beautiful little Yo...while he himself was being gently taken from behind by Pha. Almost like a Ming sandwich.

He felt disgusting, having such dreams about a happy couple that would never look his way. They had each other. So he planned to keep everything to himself, and never let on how he felt about the two.

XXX

Kit, sitting between Beam and Pha, looked at Ming sharply. After the break up, Ming had been sad, but basically fine. They both had come to terms that being boyfriends wasn't working and they were better off friends.

But Ming wasn't fine anymore. Kit had watched in silent confusion as the young man started developing bags under his eyes, losing enough weight to make him look more like a stick figure instead of a healthy young college student, and he had this painfully sad sheen to his eyes. It hurt Kit's heart to look at him.

Kit decided to observe him a couple days more before confronting him. He glanced across the table a few times. Ming never looked up from his plate, even while Yo tried to engage him in conversation. Odd for Yo, since he normally chattered away at Pha. Even Pha had asked Ming a couple questions, but the Campus Moon had only given basic answers, as he didn't want to talk.

Wait a minute... Kit wanted to laugh. He could see the frustration and worry in Pha and Yo's faces. Are they really trying to...? His eyes flicked back and forth between the couple and Ming. Ming had always been an open book while they dated, but now he was closed off and silent. Kit remembered Ming talking to fill the silences. He remembered how cheerful and happy Ming had been. That hadn't changed very much for a while after the break up.

The only ones that had changed at all were...Yo and Pha. It was odd. It was as if they had suddenly remembered Ming existed, and were including him in on plans, even dates. From the way he was acting, Ming wasn't getting the signals the couple was sending him.