Convergent; After Allegiant

Chapter 24

The rest of the day is a blur, colors smeared across my vision without any definite shape. The doctors had made us leave the hospital because there were to many people being treated and we were in the way. Zeke and I shuffled out of the Hospital, tears still running fast down our cheeks.

In the hallway, we were met with Uri and Christina running frantically around, weaving between people. They come to a screeching halt in front of us, breathing hard.

"There you two are. we've been looking all over for you." Christina exclaims. Neither Zeke or I can bring ourselves to explain what happened or where we were.

"Let's find the rest" I choke out.

Fifteen minutes everyone is gathered around a table in the dining hall waiting expectantly for us to explain.

"Uh well-" I stutter

"Shouldn't we wait for Four?" Uriah suggests. That sentece is all it takes to throw me into tears again. My friends faces contort into one of fear as I try to pull myself together.

"Uh yeah that's kind of the problem" I choke out. "F-four he's...hes" and again I burst into tears.

"Zeke I can't" I sob

"Guys he's... Fours dead" all around me the sobs of my friends fill my ears but its not really hearing. It's muffled, not completely audible, like there's cotton in my ears.

For a solid half hour we sit and cry together. We cry as a whole, as one person who grieves for their friend. No one says anything, no one questions weather or not it's true, because they know we wouldn't joke about it.

Will is the first to pull himself together, which isn't surprising as he hasn't known Tobias very long. The rest of us follow suit, though the tears still wet our cheeks. We sit in silence at the table for a while until it gets awkward, at which point I walk over to the buffet and get eight pieces of cake and forks to go with. One is placed in front of each person and no one begins eating until everyone has theirs. I scoop a piece onto the fork as does everyone else. We touch out forks in the middle with each person knowing somehow what to do.

"To Four" I say. Everyone else mutters the same thing and puts the cake in their mouth. After we all swallow Uriah bursts out laughing, a deep infectious laugh that soon spreads to the others.

Laughter clears the mind of grief for a while as we laugh at nothing, we laugh for the sake of relief. My mother always told me that if you pretended to do something or feel some way for long enough that it would eventually be true. That is why we laugh, to convince ourselves we are happy, though a part of me still grieves.

My parents are around me the rest of the day, consoling me and trying to keep my grief at bay. I think my friends worry that I will follow in Tobias's footsteps and erase my memory. I won't though. Although I see where he was coming from, now more than ever, I have people to live for. I have my mom and dad, I have Caleb, I have my friends, but I also want to live for myself. I want to remember Tobias and the person he made me into. I want to remember the man who, though he didn't believe it, was Brave and Selfless and kind and smart and honest. I don't want to lose the last thing of him I have.

The light smack of feet on the rough stone pulls me from my thoughts as I walk beside my parents. My head whips around to see Zeke approaching me, his eyes rimmed with red, puffy, skin. I'm sure I don't look much better, seem as I've been crying for a solid three hours now. He approaches me with a weak smile,that is obviously only there for my sake. He lays his hand on my shoulder in a friendly gesture, turning to my parents.

" I'm going to steal her for a while." He states as he guids me away.

It takes me a minute to fuigre out where were going but, as the soles of my shoes smack against the stone, I recognize this path. It's one I've taken more often than I'd like to admit recently, the smooth stone walls comforting under my fingertips. The chasm. Tobias and I's spot by it at least.

Zeke slides down onto the cold floor, gesturing for me to follow. So I do, I slide down beside Zeke and gaze at the splashing waves.

"Tris" Zeke prompts " Tris look at me"

But I can't, I can't bring myself to raise my head, flick my eyes up to him, nothing. For fear that if I do, I'll only see Tobias's face gazing back at me.

" Tris" he mutters, lifting my chin up to look at him. My gaze meets his, sadness lingering in his eyes. With a rattling breath. " Four and I talked. When he came down to tell us about Uriah, before you died. I wasn't happy with him but it was about you so I listened. He started rambling about how much he loved you. Bit annoying actually. Anyways, he said that he wanted to marry you. I thought he meant in the future but I was wrong. He had it all planed out. He bought a ring and everything. He went on and on about where he was going to do it. He planned to it here actually, after you guys erased the government. He was so excited and nervous at the same time. It was funny actually. He...he had a speech planed out. " He chokes on his words towards the end. He digs around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a sleek black box and sets it gingerly in the palm of my hand.

Gently, I pry it open, hesitant to find the contents.
" They're beautiful aren't they?" He asks as I spot them.

Inside, resting on a satin bed, sits two rings, one, a decadent golden ring, set with a fiery red opal and laced with small diamonds. The second, a silver band set with a blood red opal, swirls or orange dancing across the clear surface.My mind scrambles for something to say, something to ask, but nothing comes mind.

" Yes" I answer Zekes earlier comment about their beauty " Why are they red" Is the first thought that comes to mind.

" Flames Tris. Duantless flames. Thought you'd like it more than something just black." Zeke explains, his voice thick with repressed tears. I don't realize I'm crying until Zeke brushes tears from my cheeks.

" I should've let Caleb go" I whisper, more to myself than anything else.

" I'm glad you didn't actually" Zeke mutters " I know it sounds bad but... if he had died who knows if erudite would've found that serum. I know you're Duantless but I can still see your abnegation Tris."

" That's the thing. It wasn't selfless. I wanted to save Caleb for me. I wouldn't have been able to cope with the guilt of knowing I let my own brother go to his death. It wasn't brave. I should've volunteered in the first place instead of let him think he was going to die. It wasn't smart either. I hurt so many people by not coming up with another plan. Why didn't I just shoot David when I had he chance?" I say. My voice comes out strained but surprisingly steady.

" Tris. You say all these things but you're wrong. It was selfless, you saved him and hundreds of others too. You took his place when you didn't know if you would have survived. You were brilliant in there Tris. I wish you could see yourself how Four thought of you. How we all did. We see a strong girl who, though she's not the tallest, can kill anyone with a glance. We see someone who, against all odds, is still insanity strong." He says as he wraps me in a hug. I sob silently into his shoulder as he pats my back. But though he says those thing, only a small part of me registers that he's even talking. For all I can feel in this place, this rocky ledge that is moist with the spray from the chasm, all I can feel is Tobias's warm lips on mine. All I can hear is his voice. All I know is that he is gone and that, in some ways, it's my fault.

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I don't know if you caught the fact that this chapter contained the little excerpt from a few chapters ago. But I thought it'd be funny to get y'all's hopes up. Never fear, this is the last super super sad chapter. Maybe.

Stay fluffy🐼