Sweet thing

18 Can't take it anymore

Deidara's POV

Everything is monotone. Nothing is how it was before. I keep a mask void of emotions now, exactly like the man who broke my heart does. I follow whoever it is I have to. When Sasori wants me to help with anything, I do it without any answer or complaint. When Tobi annoys the shit out of me, I don't do anything. I let everyone do what they like with me, because what's the point now?

I never knew that Itachi had taken a big part of me, until now. I see now that he means so, so much to me, and whenever he just doesn't care for me, things seem to crumble away. Because things simply don't seem to make any sense anymore. Nothing is the same, even if everyone acts like it. I'm an emotional person, either I like it or not, and I really don't. I absolutely despise how I can give in to Itachi so easily, and let him take over my life. Because that's what he has done. I don't have anything anymore, now that he doesn't love me. He doesn't even think of me as his friend, which makes me feel worse.

Sasori is looking at me oddly, and it must be because of my new personality. I can care less now though. I can't even care for anything other than the one person who doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I'm the one who blew what we had away, so I'm the one to blame. I don't care. I'll take all the blame, because I deserve it. Everything I had is gone, and it's all because Itachi. Itachi Uchiha, the one I love so damn much, it hurts me. Because that's what it really did...loving Itachi has hurt me bad.

I remember everything that we had together it wasn't really anything, just hate and sex. Hate and sex. Hate and sex. More and more times, it was hate and sex. Yet, I hadn't ever felt happier before. When I was with Itachi, something deep in me had stirred, and I know understand that it's love. Love for a man that doesn't love me.

I saw something though. I had seen something deep in those black depths when we made love. I had looked thoroughly through his gorgeous eyes, and I had seen something. It wasn't lust like I expected it to be. Perhaps it was love, too. Even if it was however, it doesn't matter. Itachi said so himself that he doesn't care of me in any way at all. That I'm someone too low for him. Someone that he, the great and magnificent Itachi Uchiha, can never fall for. As he said, I'm someone that he simply doesn't deserve. He doesn't deserve someone like me, someone that's different and weird.

Tears don't even come anymore. I don't cry anymore when I think of Itachi. All I feel is pain and emptiness. Everything is empty now. Is this depression? Or is it normal. Or has to be, plenty of people have dealt with broken hearts, haven't they? Then that mean sim not the only one. There's at least one other person out there, who feels as I do. Who feels like they're ripped apart. It isn't just me. But it still feels like I'm the only one. The only one that can't take it anymore. Because I really can't. I wish I can, but I can't.

I feel like I want to end it all. If I do end it, there won't be any more hurting. I won't feel like nothing matters, since I won't be here to feel anyway. Everything will be fine empty of pain, and I smile at the thought. Dying doesn't seem so bad. It actually seems very relaxing and it seems like something tranquil. Like I can be alright then. Life is fleeting, isn't it? So what's the point to keep on living if nothing awaits me other than more pain. I'm most likely going to die anyway, with all the danger I face in my daily life. So there's no point if I keep on living. I won't see Itachi. And Itachi won't see me. I'll be able to deal with anything, because there simply won't be anything to face anymore.

I like the idea of death. It doesn't seem so bad. Not bad at all.

Okay, so I was lying when I said that there was only gonna be 16 chaps in this fic, cuz clearly there isn't 😂
So we're moving back to 20 or so chapters. We'll see what happens, since I don't plan this ahead, lol. I just write what comes to head, ya know?
Anyway, plz vote, and I'll update soon!
❤️Sexy-Sushi