Finding Abby

24

Okay.

She takes a deep breath before she says, "I called my parents – your grandparents. This morning."

I raise my eyebrows. This is huge.

She gives me a small smile. "I haven't ... spoken to them for a long time."

"Are they coming today?"

Mum shakes her head.

"Will you ... we ... go and see them?"

Mum looks down at her hands and fiddles with her skirt. "Maybe. I just wanted you to know in case you were wondering. I think it'll take a while before that's fixed. But ... I'm ... we're ... going to work on it. And you know I'm going to see someone in Warrnambool about ... everything ... about me. So, I'm working on myself too."

I want to give her a hug, but I don't know how she'll take it.

"They're very conservative — my parents," she continues. "And strict. A lot of my time growing up was spent worrying whether I was doing the right thing or if I was ... you know, going to be forgiven for even just looking at a picture of River Phoenix—"

I have to laugh. Mum definitely has a type. "Oh right, he was hot, yeah?"

Mum's cheeks go a little pink and all I can think about is how young she seems.

"Anyway, when I was growing up I-I didn't have ... many friends. I'm"—she looks away to the window before focusing on me again—"obviously I really struggled to make friends. I guess going to uni was a big change for me. Bigger than they realised it would be—"

"It must have been pretty scary," I say, realising how much of a culture shock moving to college must have been for her.

"It was like I could breathe, Jenna. It was like the whole world opened up to me when I got there, and I could be as big as I wanted because they made me so small—"

"You can still be big."

Mum takes a big breath in.

I want to shake her and tell her she can be amazing if she wants to be, but I don't. She's too raw.

She pushes her shoulders back, slaps her palms to her knees and says, "Happy Birthday, Jenna," in a cheerful voice and I know that discussion is over. For now.

I give her a smile that hopefully looks supportive and go to put the CD back in the box, but she grabs my hand. "Jenna?"

I sit back down; wait for her to talk.

She presses a finger to the back of my hand. "Are you and Finn ... you know?"

I'm not sure what she's talking about. "What?" I say, creasing my eyebrows, trying to read her face.

She lets out a small laugh. "You know? Having ...?"

I get it and have to laugh. She's so embarrassed. "Mum!"

Mum rubs her hand over her nose.

I catch her eyes and she's got this worried but attentive look. The old me would have brushed her off but she's genuinely interested. And I want to talk to her about it too. It's almost like we're finding out how we're going to be friends; how it's going to work.

"Uh. Well, I guess ..." I think about how I've spent a couple of nights at Finn's house over the last week to give Mum and Ben some space to talk without me hovering in the background. Finn's parents have been incredibly cool with us sleeping in the same bed. "Yes." I shift around on the bed so I'm looking at her. It's funny how she's so uncomfortable about it all – way less than me. "And if you need to know, yes, we are being careful."