Finding Abby

19

Finn lets out a hoot of laughter and he grins at me before he slaps his hands on the steering wheel. "Okay, old girl. Looks like it's time for us to part."

Now it's my turn to crinkle my nose. "Come on. I'll always be younger than you—"

"Talking to the van, J. She's been my friend and companion for the last three days. We've had vivid experiences together. I'm going to miss her."

"Right."

"Hey J," Finn says before he readies himself to leave the cosy cabin.

"Yes Finnigan?"

"You know how I said I'd done it before?"

I frown. "Done what before?"

Even in the dim light, I can see Finn's neck going red. "It. Had sex. You know?"

I frown again. "Uh. Yeah."

He scratches his chin; doesn't look at me. "I hadn't."

I don't get what he's saying. "Hadn't? What?"

"Pay attention, J," he chuckles, clearly embarrassed. "This — you. It was my first time too."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "It was your first time too?" I repeat and can't help but smile as all his macho bravado flies out the window.

Finn scratches his forehead and looks at me from under his blonde lashes. "It was frickin' cool, J. With you. In this van. It meant a lot. And I hope ... we can do it again sometime."

I stare at him and my heart thuds in my chest and stomach, urging me to touch him—kiss him—again. I know I have to break out of his spell or we won't be going anywhere soon.

"We shall," I say decidedly, with a nod.

Finn nods too and we grin at each other before Finn pushes his door open and the wind races around the edge and fills the car with a bitter chill.

I sigh, push open my own door and grab my backpack. I get out then press the lock down as Finn slams his own door. He comes round and hands me the keys.

"Good luck in there, J," he says as the wind whips his hair around. I bring him in for a hug and his heartbeat is strong against mine under our clothes. He presses his lips to my forehead and looks down at me with his hands on my arms. "I'm here when you need me," he says, "for whatever you need. Anytime. I'm good for it."

I know he is. I don't want to let him go but he steps away from me. He swings his hand theatrically towards my house and gives a bow and I know I have to keep moving forward.

As Finn tucks his head and shoves his hands in his pockets, I walk towards my house with the wind teasing my hair around my face. I turn around and he's watching to make sure I get in safe. We wave at each other as the grey clouds fly fast above us against the jet backdrop of the sky. I stare up to make sure I can see some stars twinkling in the distance and know what I have to do next is going to be really, really hard.

***

When I push open the front door, the lounge is dark but someone has lit the wood burning stove we have but never use. It glows in the corner of the room like a beacon. The smell of food wafts over to me – roast maybe? Something delicious. My mouth waters. I don't turn the light on. I'm not sure if anyone's home. Mum could be out back in the bathroom. But her car wasn't in the driveway. I wonder where Ben is. I get a sense the house is empty and relax my shoulders, let my breath out. I can't believe how tense I am. But, when I turn around to close the door, a small figure is curled up on the couch under the tartan throw Mum got from the op shop. Then I see it is Mum. She's got her cheek resting on her hands; eyes closed. Her hair's tied in top bun. Her skin is pale white in the darkness; her breathing erratic, shaky. A restless sleep.