X-men: World of Gray

Chapter 39

There was so much truth in that statement, it made Charles cringe. This was worse than he first realized. Not only was his life an utter disaster, but he'd managed to string Moira along for the ride.

"I couldn't stay there," Moira explained, softer now. "You think it's easy knowing that someone tried to kill you out of fear of what you can do? Imagine knowing that someone tried to kill you because you meant nothing to them. Because it was convenient. I don't think that's much better."

Moira slid her feet from underneath the covers. Her legs dangled from the edge of her bed, the skin glistening from the lamp light like satin. She stared at him. The image greatly contradicted the one he'd seen just hours before as the woman had returned from the car with tears still drying on her cheeks.

With that, Charles closed his eyes. "I heard you."

"What do you mean?"

"In the car." He brought his gaze back to her. "I heard you."

Finally catching on, Moira groaned. "You weren't supposed to…that's the whole reason I went out there! So you wouldn't hear me."

"Well, I'm a telepath, love—it's a little hard to avoid."

Moira rubbed her eyes as if Charles was bringing on a headache.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not used to all this," Charles explained. "I'm not used to being dependent on others for mundane tasks. I'm not used to feeling so utterly helpless it makes me sick…and I'm certainly not used to causing women to burst into tears."

"It's not like that," Moira replied. "You're over-analyzing this whole thing."

"I know what I look like," Charles said, the words stinging his own ears. "I know what I am now. Whatever you came out here for…it's not here, Moira. He's not here—not anymore."

Slowly, Moira dropped her hands. She studied his face, and as she did, the irritation in hers morphed to concern—pity. Just like all the others in his life now. He couldn't defend himself against it anymore.

"I appreciate everything you've done for me," Charles said. "Coming out here, trying to…to rescue me, as it were—"

"Charles—"

"But I'm not your obligation, Moira. I'm not your burden to be had."

She frowned, his words finally making an impact.

"I've never blamed you for what happened," Charles continued. "If you ever thought that, then I am sorry. But this—none of this—was your fault. You were only doing what you were supposed to do that day, trying to stop Erik—trying to stop a real threat. And things… " he trailed off, and inside, his heart ached, "…things simply went wrong."

Moira forced herself up. She came to his bedside and sat, her eyes never leaving his. "Do you think that's why I'm here?"

"I know you feel responsible. So I would like to relinquish you of that guilt. You were only doing what you were supposed to do. The humans—they were only doing what they thought they needed to do. And Erik…" The words were like thorns in Charles' throat but as they rolled up, he knew they were the truth. "Erik was only doing what was in his nature to do. What I knew was in his nature, and I simply…ignored it. I ignored all of it."

As the gravity his own declaration struck him, Charles lay back. He covered his right hand over his face, shutting his eyes as if that alone would shield him from reality. Above him, he knew Moira was peering down, trying to understand what he was saying—what he meant.

"He tried to warn me," Charles continued. "Since the moment I met him, Erik kept telling me exactly what the humans would do once we were no longer of use to them. What he would do to Shaw—he made no denials on the matter. But I didn't want to listen—God, I just didn't listen to him. All the warnings—all the discussions we had, and I sat there and heard all of it, and refused to believe a word." His eyes began to blur.