BITTERLY LUSCIOUS

CHAPTER 5

Such a show of compassion. Anyone within hearing shot would have believed that he was, oh so worried about me and my well-being, but at the end of the day, it was just that, a show. Nothing more.

          "And as you do not want or appreciate the help and support that is being offered, you will have to do this on your own, and I sincerely wish you the best...but it would be best if you would refrain from contacting Cayan during this time. He has too much on his plate as it is, he doesn't need your self-induced issues as well. That said..."

He continued talking but I had stopped listening at that point. Who would have wanted to continue listening to someone speaking to them in such a cold and harsh manner? Also, who would have guessed that was coming? How completely...unexpected, yeah, completely unexpected...God, I was being swallowed up by sarcasm again, but I couldn't help myself. What he said and how he said it was not just expected, it was altogether expected. Expecting anything less of Steele was like going out into the pouring rain without an umbrella and expecting to not get drenched. I was royally gas-lighted by him. In one breath there was a dramatic show of 'concern,' 'compassion,' and 'kindness,' while in a breath later, he showed his true gas-lighting colors. The nerve of them all...astounding, but again, completely expected.

Cee, my oh so beloved cousin, was still in the background demanding the phone, but his request was yet again, being firmly denied. This suited me just fine as desires to talk with him had long gone, and after being labeled a time and energy waster twice in one day, I believed that there was no longer any point in continuing the energy-wasting conversation. God, who needed enemies when you had a family member like my little cousin. So yes, there was no point in continuing, but as always I had to add my last two cents. There was no way I was going to allow Steele of all people to have the last say.

          "There is no need for you to go out of your way to warn me, Steele, I know when I am not wanted, and when it is time to move on. And I will be moving on from this and from everyone involved, I no longer want anything to do with any of you. Turns out, blood is not thicker than water as everyone so fervently states, so maybe I should cut Cee out of my life as well.

          Ah, and one more thing, fuck you, Steele," I swore, resorting to profanity, "really, fuck you and fuck the people you call friends. And to your advice; fuck that as well! Just fuck you all to hell." I wheezed before sending the phone crashing against the far wall of the apartment as my body slid to the floor in trembling exhaustion.

I must have sat there staring at nothingness for hours, wondering at my stupidity; why in the world had I not tell Cee what was going on? Despite my earlier accusation of the contrary, he was not a mind reader. God, I should have done as he suggested and divulged everything that I could remember, and he would have come running to my aid. But for some reason, I just couldn't. For some reason, I wanted to deal with this on my own...I just could not bear the thought of anyone seeing me in such a deplorable state. Was it pride? Maybe, yet still, I would rather die than make that happen...Maybe doing what, Cee, screamed at me in anger...and ending it all...was not such a bad idea. It would be so easy to just...but taking that route never had a place in my DNA, if it was, I would have done so months ago.

Furthermore, Cee only said in a fit of anger. Hell, we were both angry and said things that should have never been said, so taking his words seriously would have been a disservice. It was, after all, just a squabble between cousins. Nothing more, nothing less.